Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary party. It was at a beautiful banquet hall in Indiana. All I kept repeating to myself was wow 60 years of marriage, how incredible.
In a world where people rarely stay together, it is enriching to see two people celebrating 60 years of marriage. It is a great example that it is possible if you work, grow, laugh and pray together. There is struggle and times of sadness, but there are also many joyous occasions. I am truly blessed/thankful to have such a fine example of marriage.
Recently my husband and I went to visit my grandparents and my grandma was just telling me all the things she can no longer do around the house (my grandma was the ULTIMATE house wife, house always clean, dinner on the table, kids taken care of. Can you say AWESOME?) because of the pains in her body. Everything she can't do, she said my grandfather now does those things.
That's definitely what marriage is about give and take. Two people sharing the load and when one can't do the other one gladly/willingly picks up what the other one can't do. Make sense?
It wasn't until I got married that I truly began to understand the dynamics of a marriage. The things that I said I would hypothetically leave for (c'mon, we've all had those conversations)before I got married, if you were to ask me now, I might give you a different answer. As the years roll on you become more and more invested in your marriage. It's hard to just walk away and not try to work through it. It's even harder to say what you would or wouldn't do until the situation actually occurs in your life. Then you have a huh moment, I know what I said but..........
I have also come to realize that people show their love in different ways, My husband and I bicker a lot, we go back and forth, usually it ends with laughs USUALLY. That's one of the many ways we show each other love, it's different for each couple.
A marriage of 60 years couldn't have lasted without Christ as the foundation. My mother said, " I was watching you guys (my grandparents, her parents) out in the yard together and watched just how you all were moving and I realized then just how well you two work together." You never realize how two people fit each other, until you sit back and watch them.
I've seen growth in my grandparents over the last couple of years,yes ladies and gents growth still occurs in your late 70's if you allow it to. As I watched my ogre of a grandfather get up there and say something, it was in that moment I realized just how much my grandparents loved each other.
Here's to growth, love and more years of happiness. It was a very happy occasion and I was grateful to be able to share in the love that day.
What do you think it takes to sustain a loving/happy marriage? Why do you think we have such a high divorce rate now?
It's been a few weeks, I apologize. I sent out a message on Facebook a few weeks back. It went something like this:
Hey all, I hope this finds everyone in high Spirits. Here it goes.... I'm trying to take my blog in a slightly different direction. Those of you who know me well know that I love: socializing, my family, talking about relationships, love, school, hair books, GOD and that I LOVE WRITING. (The list goes on) I would like to interview most of you and others I would like to have you as guest writers. ( Some of you might be asked to do both.) I just think all of us have a unique testimony that we're just sitting on. I believe that they should be shared. We never know who could be going through the same thing or if what we learned could help someone from making the same mistake or at least get to them to think twice about it. I just want everything that is written to be uplifting and positive.Please email me at KColeman1022@gmail.com if you would like to participate. Have a wonderful weekend. you all.
K
I got some responses in my e-mail and I'm going to go from there. I would love for you all to start praying for me and to ask God to keep me focused and to continue to lead me in the right dirction. I'm am excited. SUPER excited. I get ideas about blogs daily and have to write them down in my notebook. If anyone else is interested in being a guest blogger or would love to be interviewed email me at the above address. I'm am interested to read what you you guys have to say and even more interested in getting to know some of you better. Thank you in advance to everyone who has volunteered. This is just the beginning you all.
I'll just dive right in, this blog was suppose to be written a week ago.... and I have thought about it every day since. I must get it out. Where's the love? We as Christians are suppose to show love and live love. Preaching to someone and shoving bible verses down their throat doesn't necessarily work for all people, nor does it sit well. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to live love. Live a life of love, people are watching you, TRUST. People are watching how you handle situations in life, how you are as a person, and if you're talking the talk and walking the walk.
Christ loved us so much that he came down from heaven, to live life as a man and to ultimately die for our sins. If that's not awesome, I don't know what else can come close to comparing to that. Jesus showed us love and continues to show us love, even though we are undeserving of his love. And no matter how many times we fall, he always accepts us back, with open arms. Some of you are sitting here reading this like ok, I know all of this what are you getting at?
As Christians we are suppose to show love, even to those people who we feel are undeserving. I am so guilty of this and this is something we all struggle with, but hey we're human (we have to keep on evolving). I don't understand in a situation, how one friend can be nice to another friend and talk about how different he/she is and how much they have grown in Christ/spiritually, but in another breath be so ornery to someone else. Here's another scenario, someone is confiding in you, (maybe something that you don't neccessarily agree with) you start spitting bible verses at them. Not listening mixed with, unneccessary aggressiveness usually never works.
We're suppose to love one another and be better. Why is it the "hardcore" Christian that tells people they're going to hell? Why are they going to hell because they sin differently than you do? Why is any Christian condemning someone to hell? We're suppose to open our arms and show love. Be the light. (Easier said than done). We have to love the unloveable. Jesus didn't come down here and love the people who were easy to love. He went out and found the prostitutes and tax collectors. No judgement, just love and some guidance. We were placed here to tell others about Jesus and how awesome he is.But sometimes no words are required, our lives have to be that example. We all have our struggles, but we're suppose to encourage each other, not condemn.
Do you talk the talk and walk the walk? What are your thoughts?
I feel like it's been forever, probably because I have been thinking about blogging everyday. I have also had a topic, sometimes I think I overthink things more than I should. I should get an idea write it down and not worry about how it comes out until I sit down and begin to create. There are things that I don't write because I don't want people to take it as bragging, but it's not. I just want to share the good things in my marriage. I want to let everyone know that a marraige can be fun and that there are GREAT men out there. The same way others like to share the negative, I would like to share the positive.
My Husband bought me the cd Kaleidoscope Dream. I am a Miguel fan and ADORN is my jam. (My husband likes it too.) The first couple of times that I listened to it in my car I blushed, thinking about my husband, because it sounds like something he would have written for me. Does your husband adorn you with his love? This is something I experience in my day to day life. If you haven't heard the song, check out the video below:
I have a great husband. Trust we get on each others nerves (those of you who know us, have heard us say it more than twice lol) We try to make everyday count. Our stay on earth is temporary and we don't know when it'll be over. That being said I have the kind of husband who appreciates our conversation as much as he enjoys our romp sessions in the bedroom (sorry mom if you're reading. )He loves my mind as much as my body. He is a gentlemen. He lets me know daily that I am loved and appreciated. It comes in the form of swats on the behind, kisses throughout the day, text messages, cooks dinner and looks. . My husband looks at me all the time and he make mes feel beautiful (even when I'm not feeling it myself) He makes sure to let me know. It's just awesome to have a husband who not only tells me that I'm the only woman in the world for him, but he makes me feel that way as well.
I have one of the good guys. I am truly thankful and I let him know that it's not taken for granted. He is considerate example when we're running low on toothpaste after he squeezes some onto his toothbrush he makes sure he squeezes extra to the top, so when it's time for me to put some onto my toothbrush it's already there. It's the little things that go a long way. He helps to make my home peaceful and he let's me know it's a place I can come home to after work and just be. I know that I have his whole heart. He is very loving, patient and he makes me feel desired (SO IMPORTANT, even on those days I feel undersireable) GOOD MEN do exist.
Ladies how do your men make you feel? Are they gentlemen?
Men how do you treat your woman? Woman is this how you want your mate to treat you??
Feedback anyone?
Last week the PTO had African acrobats come to the school and perform for the student body. They were quite awesome. It was amazing to watch them flip and tumble. These men make a living out of doing this . It was wonderful for the students to see that you can use your talent and make a living.
Do you remember when you were a kid? What did you want to be when you grew up? I remember wanting to be a Dr. for the longest, you can add superhero to the list. I wanted to be a vet, writer, and teacher. It has changed so many times over the years. Twenty years later here I am with a degree in Education. I'm sure if you were to glance at my list you wouldn't see model, actress, singer, rapper, reality TV star...etc. Future WNBA player was on the list, but it was definitely a short lived dream, you have to be EXCELLENT and I was only good. I was one of those people who was not willing to put the necessary time aside to excel further. (< see what I'm saying, short lived).
I was talking to a great friend of mine recently and we talked about many things. The conversation navigated itself to where we thought we would be at this point in life at 26. Rewinding back 10 years, I thought that I would be in a completely different position financially and I thought I would have more munckins running around, (all products of the same two parents). In the now, it was not foolish of us then to have ideas of which direction we wanted our lives to head in. (<----make sense?) I think it's safe to say a great number of us are in the same boat.. We all envisoned different things for our lives. (period) At this point in my life, I tell people that you have to let go of where you thought you would be to get to where you want to be. You have to do things for yourself. Life is too flippin short to not wake up and do something that you love. When people are confused about what they want to do I ususally ask one question. What do you wake up thinking about? For me that answer is teaching and writing (Oh and raising my kids until there school bound, but that's another blog, another day.) I'm slowly but surely taking the necessary steps to get to that place. My husband is going back to school (puts a smile on my face) but he likes a couple of things and was just racking his brain trying to figure out what kind of job he could get. I just told him to you go to school for what you love, you figure out later what you'll do with it. I know to some people that may sound silly or even absurd, but who cares? It makes sense no? At a conference Blessed Ministries had, I learned if you're walking in your purpose, God will provide a way, and it will flow effortlessly. I would rather wake up and do something that I love and like, then to be stuck in a job I hate.
This doesn't only apply to your job/financial situation, but it can apply to self as well. If you're not the person you want to be change it. Take the necessary steps to change that, you can be the person that you've always wanted to be. I know that, that might mean that you will have to be vunerable and exposed, but it feels so much better once you get to that place where you want to be. Sometimes it means saying I'm sorry when you really, really don't want to, accepting people for who they are. It's beautiful, once we stop limiting ourselves, we can open ourselves up. (Hey I'm working on all this too!)
All we need is a little direction. Not expectations or pressure. Time to figure things out. Once you figure them out, man it's a beautiful thing. I guess I'm saying all this to say it's never too late to do what you love and love what you do and love who you are.
Is anyone else out there facing the same struggle?
Brandon and I recently celebrated out 1 year wedding anniverary. It was wonderful and one milestone that we celebrated (as we will celebrate many more together.) We accomplished our first year of marriage. Our anniversary crept up on us as well. The first year flew by. We have had our shares of bumps in the road, but we get through it together. Marriage is truly a learning experience. We celebrated by going wine tasting, eating our one year old cake, drinking our one year old bottle of wine, cutting our pictures and creating a scrap book. We spent time together. We talked, laughed, danced and kissed. The biggest thing I'm thankful for is for my husband's sense of humor. I act like it gets on my nerves, his off key singing, his old man dance moves and his over enthusiasm for some things, but I love all of it. He always makes me laugh, and when I'm not smiling and I've have a rough day, he makes it his personal goal to make sure I am smiling by the end of the day. We balance each other out quite nicely. I need to take a page out of his book and just relax somedays (don't tell him I said that ; ) ).
We have a great marriage, but there are times when our wires cross and our communication is just plain bad. I imagine that this happens in most marraiges lol. The other night we layed in the bed and talked. I have had a couple of off days, somedays I wake up angry or mad and poor hubby gets the crappy end of the stick. When my communication sucks I yell, usually in the midst of yelling I want to stop and tell him what the real problem is and just tell him to hold me. BUT that would be way too easy. I am a yeller. (My name is Katherine and I'm a yeller, first step is admitting you have a problem, that way you can work on it) When things invovle feelings, or I feel like I am lacking, it's hard to outright just say those things, yes even to my husband. My husband talked as I listened about what had been on his brain recently. His work schedule has been hectic and it has sucked for both of us. As we shared that with each other, I got perspective from him and vice versa. In listening to each other you gain a better understanding of your partner. You get to know them even better. It's like having a slumber party with your bestfriend and revealing things about yourself that you've never admitted to or told anyone.
You know, when you get married, there's no handbook or magic solution that will fix your problems. You have to get comfortable with the idea of being "completely naked" in front of each other. Not in the physical sense, but emotionally. We have to reveal things to each other, and that's something we didn't have to do being bestfriends. We have to let each other into those places in our mind that we never let anyone see before. Sounds easy right? Uhhh not so much. We're intune enough to know that there are unsaid words when we're having a couple of off days in a row. It's hard to be completely vunerable and baring it all. But hey if you can't do it with your husband/wife, who can you do it with? I appreciate his honesty and feedback more than anything. I value his opinion most. Don't forget in the midst of all that, that we pray for each other, but I believe the most important thing is to pray together. It's what helps you through the bumps and I believe it's going to make getting "completely naked" with Brandon easier.
What do you think?
Are you getting "completely naked" with your partner?
(Shout out to Brcphotography for the beautiful photo)
I love having pictures of moments like these. It's wonderful to see the growth in my daughter, and how much she loves and genuinely trust Brandon (my husband). The growth in their relationship is just awesome to me. Let's back track about a year and a half ago. Brandon and I first began dating again, I knew that it would be a little trickier because it wasn't just me. It was me and Kolby, we came as a package deal. I also knew that he would love both of us unconditionally. He just needed a little time. I didn't force them on each other. I watched as a friendship started to form on their own terms. Brandon was in the beginning and always will be the enforcer. Love has boundaries, children need structure and boundaries, something that she was only a tad bit familiar with. I lived with my parents at their house with Kolby. Grandparents roles are slightly different from parents. That's all I will say. She began by calling him Brandon. She played with him sparingly and stayed pretty close to my side. We would watch movies together, she would cry when she thought I was leaving her, she was very reluctant/hesitant. In her year of existence she had only been comforted by five faces on a consistent basis and a few inconsistent faces.
Consistency and structure is very important for children (something I haven't gotten down to a T, but something I work on all the time.) 6 months had passed by and it was time for us to get married. It's funny cause I"m sitting here just thinking about how much she has grown in a year since then. = ). She was slowly but surely opening up. Brandon just wished that he was there from the beginning. (as do I) It takes time for kids to smell out what is going on for themselves, I would say we got together around the perfect time for her. When we got married we told her that it would be ok for her to call Brandon Pops. She liked that and still calls him that. According to her now, they're best friends. And if anyone asks her, she'll tell you that she has two Daddy's. Brandon demanded respect from her, but he loves her to pieces. Watching them interact is awesome. Now she'll call for him sometimes when she wakes up from her nap or in the middle of the night. She'll snuggle up with him when we watch a movie. They play fight together, he reads her stories and dances with her. It's wonderful to watch how much she has attached herself to him and him to her. She even started calling him daddy on her own. Kolby is a pretty bright kid. I just feel bad for her when she starts dating, so I'll start praying about that now. God is pretty amazing, but really there are no words that I can use to describe his awesomeness. The way he just lets thing fall into place when you put him first. I am grateful for all of that. I am just happy to watch as Kolby and Brandon continue bonding and relationship grows even more. Brandon, you took on the role of Pops without questions, I'm ecstatic that you chose us. Having a husband that works hard and strives to be the best husband and father, what more coukld a woman ask for?? Looking forward to raising more kids with you and being awesome parents together.I just wanted to shout out to my awesome husband who is also an awesome father and to our beautiful, bright baby girl. I love you both.
God has a way of letting everything work out, even when you don't think it can or will. He's just waiting for us to trust in him.
