Silent Killer

                                         (Larry and his beautiful wife Natalie.)


Well I have the pleasure of having a guest writer this week. I was on Facebook scrolling down when I saw a long post that my cousin had written. I read it and immediately knew he had to write the next blog. I was overjoyed to find out that he writes and that he's in school for the very thing that I'm going to pursue in the near future (Marriage and Family Counseling). Larry Lowe II is 35 and has been married to Natalie Lowe for 14 yaers. They have 3 handsome boys. These are his latest ramblings.....some wise words on unforgivenss.

Unforgivness is deadly to a marriage. I call it a silent killer because most of the time the spouse who is unforgiving; doesnt let their spouse know they are holding something against them. Unforgiveness is like a cancer of the heart. It starts out as a small hurt that grows with more hurt until it forms a lump. This lump looks like an arguementation that started out small but blows up to something major, because of something that happened in the past! If this lump of unforgiveness goes unchecked, it will grow until your heart is turned into stone. When a heart of flesh is turned into stone the only person who can fix it is God. What most of us dont realize, is that when we harden our hearts against our spouse; we are doing so against God. Realize that when we hold on to past hurts, we are not prepared to recieve and hold on to the blessings of a good marriage. The pain that unforgivness causes is not worth it! Unforgivness CAN and WILL destroy your marriage. Pray and ask God to turn you or your spouses heart of stone into flesh. Talk to your spouse about what he or she has done to hurt you, and then forgive them. You always hear "I can forgive but I cant forget". I believe this is a copout. That saying is used as an excuse to bring up the past hurts at a later time. It is true that you wont forget. What you can do is chose not to dwell on the past hurts and not to use them againat your spouse EVER again. Forgiving them is more for your benefit than theirs. It frees you to love unconditionally. Your marriage can not and will not survive continued unforgiveness. If you need help.....GO GET IT. Put your pride to the side and realize that we all need help sometimes. Think about this, whether you are a Christian or not the following principles of love can nurture, restore and maintain your marriage.

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps NO RECORD of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS protects, always trust, always hopes, always preserves. 1Corinthians 14:5.... Yall forgive me for goin on too long!
--Never Let Go


What do you think?

I Ditched the I for a We

Recently I was texting my girlfriend and asked her how the wedding planning was coming along? She told me that everything was moving fast and that she was a tad bit nervous. Naturally, I asked why? Her response was, "Just about being a wife and making sure I don't lose myself."

I discuss everything with my husband, so this is the combined answer that I was able to give her. To a certain extent you have to lose yourself cause it's not all about self anymore (even though the world will have you thinking otherwise) but the things that you give up/lose are nothing in comparison to what you gain.  Then Brandon and I discussed the topic a bit further. Brandon said, "That's the problem people are so into not losing themselves, it's all about me, me, me still. And when you get married it's no longer about you. I don't think I ever thought of it in that sense though, you realize things about you change but I believe that so much more goodness is added to you that you don't realize the parts that change. (Does that make sense?)

Matthew 19:4-6
"Haven't you read," he replied,"that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man serperate.

I had to face it as well, there are just things about you that don't work in a marriage, things that need to change or somethings that need to completely be gotten rid of. There is also this thing called compromise. Compromise is a hard word for some people to wrap their heads around. Compromise means you don't always get your way. I have ephipanies here and there and I am SUPER THANKFUL for them. The longer I am married the more I understand the phenomenon of the two will become one flesh. God is not just talking about sexually, but in your mind and spirit. It truly is a beautiful concept, being on one accord. How could you not want to ditch the I for a We?You are still you in marriage, but things about you change, to some that's scary. I think people worry too much about things that aren't really a big deal. My husband and I are equally wrapped up in each other. Incorporating God into everday life was a decision that we made together, on one accord.

I love music and I absolutely love to dance. I can't explain the feeling that it gives me, but it's wonderful. My husband on the other hand is not a dancer. I think he can dance, but he use to tell me he didn't understand how I can stay out on the dance floor song after song and just dance. I use to get so mad, he would dance for 30 seconds and be done. This evening, he danced with me song after song, took a break danced some more with me. He saw the joy on my face when he was dancing with me and how happy it made me. He even said dancing made him have a better time. Compromise, Brandon will dance with me for songs at a time, but he will sit out and watch me dance. I'm more than ok with that.

Brandon loves football, I use to enjoy it more before I had a kid, but Brandon really loves football.
Every year he has a couple of Fantasy teams and he really seems to enjoy himself. Compromise I told him that this year he could explain to me the rules of football and maybe I could even join a fantasy league so we can do it together. I'm not always going to watch football, but I can watch with him and not be a grouch.

I lose the part that use to be grouchy and enjoy one of my babes favorite pasttimes and Brandon doesn't have to watch me be upset because he doesn't want to dance. Win win, I think the both of us gain something that is so much more and that is the joy of making your spouse happy. When your spouse is happy, smiling and in a good mood doesn't that make you feel good too?

It makes for a happier household I think...when you have a happy househould things run a bit more smoothly....Compromise is not always easy, but it is a choice. While compromising might not be easy for you, the results of compromise can make life better. (Does that make sense?)

What do you think??

Letting Go of "The List"

Let’s face it ladies, we’ve all seen those movies that tell you to write down a list of everything you want in a man. I think some of the most recent movies that come to mind are Deliver Us From Eva  and  Something New (one of my personal favorites).

 

 

How can I put this nicely? I’ve seen too many women pass up great men because of their list. It’s wonderful to know what you want in man. It’s definitely more than ok to have standards; you’ve got to have some right? I’m not asking you to abandon your standards, stop being afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Make sure when you are making this humongous list that you have something to offer in return. I feel like when you have a list you limit yourself and you miss out on opportunities not only for your potential mate, but you just miss out on meeting great people.

Why limit yourself? By strictly sticking to this list you are putting yourself in a box; if this man doesn’t meet all the requirements, he’s kicked to the curb before he’s even given a real chance. Women don’t give God a chance to work in their lives, because we want the control. That’s what having the list is about it’s about controlling what you want. Let me just tell you, there are few things that we control in life, if we just gave it to God life would be so much sweeter. Does God not know the desires of your heart better than you? Does he not know what kind of man is good for you, what kind of man would compliment you?

My husband and I rarely play matchmaker, been there done that, it usually doesn’t work out. (I know it has for some, but not for me : () Sometimes we see what would be great matches in our friends but because the guy is too short, or he has kids, or even cause he’s not what she wants physically in a guy, we don’t even bother. There are all sorts of excuses we hear, we see the chemistry, but I believe stepping outside ones comfort box is what stops people. (Why do I feel like some women run home immediately after meeting a guy and dig their list off to see if they can check everything off, does that sound crazy?)

 If you just let go, God will bless you with someone that fulfills more than just that checklist. It will be more than you could have dreamed of. It’s about being with someone that when you get old and wrinkly and can’t get it on anymore you have someone that will hold your hand and talk to you. Don’t get caught up in the hype of he has to look like this, make this much money, he has to be this tall (cause I’m not dating someone shorter than I). Stop getting caught up in all of that, the questions that should be asked are is he a gentleman? Is he sensitive? Does he make me laugh? (You have no idea how important laughter is in a relationship) Is this man my friend? Does this man love God? Those are important things.

Brandon was my unexpected blessing. I didn’t have a physical list, but I had a mental one and my husband has exceeded anything that I could have ever imagined. I think the reason I didn’t view him as a mate before was because he was my best friend and I didn’t look at him like that. This was the man who knew the flattering and the not so flattering things about me. I didn’t realize that God had been in our relationship since day one. He knew I was going to be the hard headed one too, but he never gave up on me. Even though I made mistakes he still blessed me with my husband.

When you have important questions go to GOD, cause  your girlfriends who are "counseling" you can mess you all up (another blog, another day). Love, live, date, laugh and pray, but most of all trust that God has your back, have faith that God got you. I’m not talking about that genie in the bottle praying; I want this, this and this but that prayer that comes from your soul (deep down from your insides). Just have a conversation with God and see what he’ll share with you.

 

Any comments? Do you agree or disagree?

Not Damaged Goods

              I believe the day that I realized I wasn't tarnished or damaged goods was the day I stopped listening to what everyone else has to say. (On the subject of having a child out of wedlock). I wanted to be the girl who got married first and then had children. My choices, my decisions, didn't make that a possible option. I had to come to the conclusion that just cause I had a child didn't mean I wasn't a good person. It also didn't mean I didn't have anything to offer. I (like many other women) came with the cutest little person ever! We were a set, if a man couldn't love my child, well then he didn't love me or couldn't love my completely. I had some inner issues that were just in my head, made up to deceive myself and believe I wasn't worthy of a good mans love. I was also very ashamed of things that I had done.
             Kolby was big part of my transformation, from what I thought a woman was, to becoming that woman. Mind you these were all the realizations I came to while I was still in a relationship. Change is a constant, it's one of the only things in life that is consistent for a nice amount of people. And subconciously we're afraid of change. Change=unknown and for all you control freaks out there, that's a hard pill to swallow, not knowing. It's not a sufficient enough reason to stay complacent. My husband use to worry if he would be a good husband and father. He use to say it's different when you get pregnant you have nine months to prepare for a child, where as I was just thrusted into it, so of course you wonder if you're well prepared for parenthood. I use to chuckle because Brandon is a great person, with a huge heart and an awesome example of what a great husband/father looks like. (Shout out to my father-in-law. thank you for loving mom the way you do and for being an awesome father.) With all that within you, how could you not be? My husband fell in love with me and my daughter. I think the key to that is that by loving me completely he was able to love my daughter. At first loving her because she was my daughter, then eventually loving her as her own person (Does that make sense?)and his daughter.

             I dont know how other women do it, but I had to let Kolby and Brandon develop their own relationship, Brandon is the type of person that doesn't force himself on anyone, he does things his way and relationships begin to develop in their own time. I think what I worried about most is how Kolby would feel once we had other kids. We'll love them all the same, but differently. To parents that statement makes sense. The same unconditional love with be distributed evenly amoung our children. It may just be shown in different ways, because of personality differences.
          Women with children does not equal damaged goods. Sometimes the woman may come with a little more baggage, No matter what anyone says you and your child(ren) deserve the absolute best. You do have something to offer another human being, but no one can tell you that. You have to believe it to be real for youself, speak it into existence.  Trust God, walk and talk to him. he has a man for the job. When I say talk to God I mean talk to him, outloud in your head. Don't treat God like a genie in a lamp that grants wishes, cause he is so much more than that.

Any thoughts? Anyone else ever experience anything like this?