Love, Life and The Journey: Black Love and Blended Families

Last Thursday July 19, 2012 I attended The Kindred Family Soul performance at The Shrine, in Chicago. I bought the tickets as soon as I heard they were going to be performing out here. (A little background, they're my favorite singing duo). The show was dope and it exceeded my expectations. Their voices complimented each other so well, of course we all love artists whose voices sound the same as on the cd. (It’s 2012, that's not always the case.) It was a beautiful experience. I loved watching them perform. Anyone in that room could tell that they were up there doing what they loved together and were very much in love on top of that. Who wouldn't enjoy doing what they love most with the person they love most? That in fact is a dream of mine. To write, but to write with my most treasured friend and love of my life (In case you don't know who that is, it's my husband.) Check out Kindred.

When my husband and I tell people that we're married, or introduce our spouse to old classmates, old employees or associates they always seem to be surprised that we're married. We're young and black; so I guess people don't associate young black couples with marriage? And on top of that young and happily married. So why is this idea so unattainable? The idea that we make our blended family work is crazy as well We have had some bumps and we continue to, but we try to work them out as best as we know how. We're still a work in progress when it comes to that. Every time I sit down to write a piece or a blog, I usually have a reason/purpose. There are other times when I sit down and write and something purposeful comes from it.

Marrying my best friend was the best decision that I’ve ever made. I’ve always felt closer to God with him. Since we’ve been married my personal relationship with God has grown. My daughter is the product of a previous relationship. In the beginning I was a little leary as to how he would take to her. Once he started to get to know her it was no stopping it. My daughter is his daughter. He previously wrote something like this (this is not it verbatim), “I did not plant the seed, but I water it, tend to it, nurture it and give it the care that it needs to grow.” He is her father. I don’t think anyone else would have taken on that responsibility with as much grace as he did. Let’s fast forward to now, we’re 9 months into our marriage and we’re happy. Not the put on a happy face so everyone thinks we’re happy, we’re genuinely happy. We get on each other’s nerves, last nerve sometimes, but we work through it. The older I get there are things I notice about me that need work. Once you realize there are things that need work, you can begin to work on them together. We pray together, we talk about things; we have even gone over some of our notes from pre-marital counseling. My marriage is not perfect, but it’s a happy one. So it does exist.

When I tell people how happy I am, it is combated with wait until you guys have that first serious fight, and you might even come to the point where you’ll be duking it out. My answer usually is, I don’t really see that happening, and the response usually is, oh just wait it’s coming. The older married couples or the divorced seem to enjoy scaring the younger generation. Oh marriage is hard work. I Marriage takes a lot don’t get me wrong, but it you have a partner who works with you, it’s not bad at all. Marrying your friend also helps because you have the friendship established. That’s what helps our marriage, the fact that we were best friends. Not the cliché, he’s my best friend. We were the we kicked it hard, did everything together best friends. He didn’t become my best friend after we started dating; he was my best friend before any of that came into play. I don’t claim to know everything about marriage. I have a lifetime to learn more. You just have to be open minded and not afraid to step outside your comfort zone. God is the foundation of our relationship. My husband is the head of my household and I do willingly submit to him. I trust that he will guide us in the right direction, because he is being instructed by God. For all of the women who cringe at the word submit (I was one of them), it takes a strong woman to submit to her husband. It’s an equal thing that will happen throughout marriage. Those of you who are married know what I’m talking about. I don’t keep secrets, there are no hidden agendas, and we are honest and open with one another. I am saying all this to say the women who have had kids and aren’t with the father, you don’t have to settle, be patient. God created a man who will love you and your child(ren). There are happily married young black couples. Blended families do work (this is where effort is needed). I’m just so tired of the negativity that is focused on. No one wants to hear the positive things going

on.