Completely Naked

                                              (Thanks Alanzo Adams for the Awesome Art.)

 

Brandon and I recently celebrated out 1 year wedding anniverary. It was wonderful and one milestone that we celebrated (as we will celebrate many more together.) We accomplished our first year of marriage. Our anniversary crept up on us as well. The first year flew by. We have had our shares of bumps in the road, but we get through it together. Marriage is truly a learning experience. We celebrated by going wine tasting, eating our one year old cake, drinking our one year old bottle of wine, cutting our pictures and creating a scrap book. We spent time together. We talked, laughed, danced and kissed. The biggest thing I'm thankful for is for my husband's sense of humor. I act like it gets on my nerves, his off key singing, his old man dance moves and his over enthusiasm for some things, but I love all of it. He always makes me laugh, and when I'm not smiling and I've have a rough day, he makes it his personal goal to make sure I am smiling by the end of the day. We balance each other out quite nicely. I need to take a page out of his book and just relax somedays (don't tell him I said that ; ) ).
 
We have a great marriage, but there are times when our wires cross and our communication is just plain bad. I imagine that this happens in most marraiges lol. The other night we layed in the bed and talked. I have had a couple of off days, somedays I wake up angry or mad and poor hubby gets the crappy end of the stick. When my communication sucks I yell, usually in the midst of yelling I want to stop and tell him what the real problem is and just tell him to hold me. BUT that would be way too easy. I am a yeller. (My name is Katherine and I'm a yeller, first step is admitting you have a problem, that way you can work on it) When things invovle feelings, or I feel like I am lacking, it's hard to outright just say those things, yes even to my husband. My husband talked as I listened about what had been on his brain recently. His work schedule has been hectic and it has sucked for both of us. As we shared that with each other, I got perspective from him and vice versa. In listening to each other you gain a better understanding of your partner. You get to know them even better. It's like having a slumber party with your bestfriend and revealing things about yourself that you've never admitted to or told anyone.
 
You know, when you get married, there's no handbook or magic solution that will fix your problems. You have to get comfortable with the idea of being "completely naked" in front of each other. Not in the physical sense, but emotionally. We have to reveal things to each other, and that's something we didn't have to do being bestfriends. We have to let each other into those places in our mind that we never let anyone see before. Sounds easy right? Uhhh not so much. We're intune enough to know that there are unsaid words when we're having a couple of off days in a row.  It's hard to be completely vunerable and baring it all. But hey if you can't do it with your husband/wife, who can you do it with? I appreciate his honesty and feedback more than anything. I value his opinion most. Don't forget in the midst of all that, that we pray for each other, but I believe the most important thing is to pray together. It's what helps you through the bumps and I believe it's going to make getting "completely naked" with Brandon easier.
 
What do you think?
Are you  getting "completely naked" with your partner?

Blended Family: Pops and Kolby

(Shout out to Brcphotography for the beautiful photo)

I love having pictures of moments like these. It's wonderful to see the growth in my daughter, and how much she loves and genuinely trust Brandon (my husband).  The growth in their relationship is just awesome to me. Let's back track about a year and a half ago. Brandon and I first began dating again, I knew that it would be a little trickier because it wasn't just me. It was me and Kolby, we came as a package deal. I also knew that he would love both of us unconditionally. He just needed a little time. I didn't force them on each other. I watched as a friendship started to form on their own terms. Brandon was in the beginning and always will be the enforcer. Love has boundaries, children need structure and boundaries, something that she was only a tad bit familiar with. I lived with my parents at their house with Kolby. Grandparents roles are slightly different from parents. That's all I will say. She began by calling him Brandon. She played with him sparingly and stayed pretty close to my side. We would watch movies together, she would cry when she thought I was leaving her, she was very reluctant/hesitant. In her year of existence she had only been comforted by five faces on a consistent basis and a few inconsistent faces.

Consistency and structure is very important for children (something I haven't gotten down to a T, but something I work on all the time.) 6 months had passed by and it was time for us to get married. It's funny cause I"m sitting here just thinking about how much she has grown in a year since then. = ). She was slowly but surely opening up. Brandon just wished that he was there from the beginning. (as do I) It takes time for kids to smell out what is going on for themselves, I would say we got together around the perfect time for her. When we got married we told her that it would be ok for her to call Brandon Pops. She liked that and still calls him that. According to her now, they're best friends. And if anyone asks her, she'll tell you that she has two Daddy's. Brandon demanded respect from her, but he loves her to pieces. Watching them interact is awesome. Now she'll call for him sometimes when she wakes up from her nap or in the middle of the night. She'll snuggle up with him when we watch a movie. They play fight together, he reads her stories and dances with her. It's wonderful to watch how much she has attached herself to him and him to her. She even started calling him daddy on her own. Kolby is a pretty bright kid. I just feel bad for her when she starts dating, so I'll start praying about that now. God is pretty amazing, but really there are no words that I can use to describe his awesomeness. The way he just lets thing fall into place when you put him first. I am grateful for all of that. I am just happy to watch as Kolby and Brandon continue bonding and relationship grows even more. Brandon, you took on the role of  Pops without questions, I'm ecstatic that you chose us. Having a husband that works hard and strives to be the best husband and father, what more coukld a woman ask for?? Looking forward to raising more kids with you and being awesome parents together.I just wanted to shout out to my awesome husband who is also an awesome father and to our beautiful, bright baby girl. I love you both.

God has a way of letting everything work out, even when you don't think it can or will. He's just waiting for us to trust in him.



Anyone else have blended family stories?

Purpose

Shout out to JCLU for the picture!!!

The reoccurring them in peoples life is What is my purpose? When I came across that shirt  at JCLUforever.com (They sell some awesome stylish merchandise.) I know what it feels like to just sit there and wonder what am I doing with my life? Am I doing something wrong? I just wanted to be a walking billboard for little girls, teenagers and women. There's too many people running around thinking they have no puropse. Don't you know God created us all with a purpose? We have to put ourselves in the position to hear God and we have to listen. Sometimes we just forget to sit still and listen. God can do amazing through you. YES THROUGH YOU!!! No matter how many times you have fallen short, he will never forsake you. That being said, I'm not telling you to go out there and do whatever you want, knowing it's wrong. There are consequences. (Trust me, I never realized my foolish behavior in my early twenties would kick me in the butt when I got married.)

 

A Virgin, that which shall be born of thee shall be called the son of God. MARY

A Queen, you have come to a royal position for such times as this. ESTER

A Harlot, we will treat you faithfully when the Lord gives us the Land. RAHAB

A Slave, your descendents will be too numerous to count. HAGAR

A Purpose

Exodus 9:16

But I have raised you up for this very purpose that I might show you my powers and that my name might be proclaimed in all.

From the greatest of these to the least of them, God created these women for a purpose.

 

 

I just want you to ask God to guide you and find out your gifts and talents.He designed all of us with a purpose. Everyone. I think women need to hear it, because sometimes we don't value your ourselves, which can then make it hard for us to believe that God has a purpose for us.Been there. Sometimes self doubt has a way of creeping up in your spirit and staying for a while. We are all valued by God, not matter what mistakes we have made. I have to admit, I have to put myself in a better position to hear God more clearly. I have to read/study the bible more, pray more openly with those that I love and make sure I'm a living/breathing example. Ladies we have to make sure we value ourselves, because lack of self love will be an underlying theme to all this self doubt. Self doubt can lead to much more self destruction. Did I forget to mention it doesn't matter what age you are when you discover your purpose?

 

Your talent is God's gift to you, what you do with it is your gift to God.

 

What are your talents? Are you guilty of thinking God cannot use you?

What are you going to different, so that you can hear from God more clearly?

Public Speaking, my ARCH ENEMY, that I'm TRYING to GET OVER.

You can see how this could be a problem for me right?? I am a writer. I write all sorts of pieces. Poetry, short stories, (God willing a novel soon) etc. I have been encouraged to perform a couple of my own creations at an open mic. I guess watching others perform on Def Jam poetry, I feel like I haven't found my voice yet. Does that make sense?

Last year, I joined my husbands church, Blessed Ministries. It's a small church, with faithful members, a very intimate setting. In June of 2011, ( I believe) was when it started. Dad wanted us all to pick a month and a Sunday, and deliever the message. I just remember thinking in my head, this cannot be happening. I just joined, I'm not going. They gave me a chance to settle and since we were getting married in October that pushed my message to November. I remember feeling very uncomfortable and slightly upset.Why do I have to do this? I was terribly afraid of speaking in front of people (Shout out to Elighie Wilson at Prairie State for making out Comm 101 class like a family, so we weren't as nervous to give speeches.) Looking back. ever since I could remember, I remember feeling this way. I just never was the one for the spotlight, all attention on me. (Ugh, even now it still makes me slightly uneasy.) But I think what's even worse is standing up there and reading your own material, you know the things that you think and feel.

To me poetry is very personal,it's a part of you that you're putting out there. I realize I wasn't ready to feel so open and exposed. That's how I felt about my sermon/message. In true Kathy fashion I woke up 2.5 hours before church to figure out what exactly I was going to go up there and pray. I remember praying to God, and once that happened the writing just flowed out of me. (Yes, I literally just thought I was going to go up there and read everything I wrote down on the paper.) I finished and I was pleased with my product. I was ok until I got to church, ( I unfortunately have terrible armpit sweat when I'm super nervous, YAY ME). When I got up there there was a calming off my overshot nerves and I got up there and talked about forgiveness. Because at the time it was the reoccurring theme in my life. I talked about  letting go and really forgiving people who hurt you.

In the end it wasn't so bad. It was very liberating and I did not mind being so exposed. What I also realized is that you have to do it, to know what it feels like. You have to do it for yourself and others, because you never know who your words are going to touch and give encouragement to. Everyone has a message and I believe everyone takes something from your message. It doesn't have to be complex and you don't have to use big words that people need a dictionary to look up. All you can be is you and hope people can accept/love the authenticity that is you.

That being said, I challenge you all to do something that makes you slightly uncomfortable, but know that it's good for you.

Does anyone else know what this feels like??

Settling= A Recipe for Disaster pt. 2

 

 

 

I would like you to listen to the song first. I'll give you a couple minutes to do that now......

I was listening to this in the car the other day, it use to be my jam, expecially since I like to dance. = )

Anyways, well my husband and I talk about everything. We live in a time where men move in with their women. Women  pay for bills, rent etc. Men don't have cars and their driving around in their woman's whip. What is your limit?? and what are you (WOMEN) willing to accept from a man? I've dated the men who paid for everything, bought me nice things and tried to buy me instead of spend time with me. Then there was the guy who went halfsies on a lot of things. Then there was the guy who never had any money, to pay for dinner, gas, never really got me cards or took me any place special. If we went anywhere special I was usually paying for it.

 

 

I remember a very recent Sunday talking about the sermon after church. We were talking about the role of men and how we're designed. Our Pastor was talking to us about how men were designed to give and women were designed to receive. Men are the protectors and the providers. That being said I know we live in a different time. I know ladies we're I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

See video below.

 

 

                                       

 

Just because we can take care of ourselves, does not, I REPEAT does not mean I want to take care of a man child. Man child = an overgrown man who acts and thinks like a juvenile. Why are women settling for these men? You know, the men who when you leave the house for work at 7:30 am are playing playstation and when you come home from work at 5:30pm are in the exact same spot. Why do we continue to coddle grown ass men?Why is the lazy dude so much more appealing then the one who goes to work and has his own?I know it's about partnership, but how much are you willing to accept from a dude you just started dating? I've never been a gold digger and it's not about money, but you have to bring something to the table. And it's ok to let a man be man. Pay the bills, foot the bill at dinner, you know the bare minimum things. What are you allowing to go on?

 

Why are standards thrown out the window? Have you ever settled, like really settled, gotten to the point where you just got comfortable??

 

 

 



Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me!!

It's official I am 26, closer to 30 then I am 20. Some people my age flip out or have three years where they stay 25 lol. I am not one of those people. There is beauty in getting older and aging. In no way shape of form would I ever hope to going backwards especially with all the wisdom/knowledge that you gain with each year that passes. I had a get together last night, at my place, that my wonderful husband put together for me. I had a really good time, a blend of old friends, new friends and my best friend.

There was great conversation, food and awesome company. What more could a girl ask for? There was wine and beer of course. I had no urge to drink. Those that know me when I was a newly 21, knew that it use to be one of my favorite past times. Drinking and smoking. I don't know if it's the excited feeling of just knowing that you can and it's something so new to some that you go overboard. Looking back at 21, never. So last night it wasn't my intention to get blazed or white girl wasted.  Some of my friends that were over were like do you want to smoke no I quit, well then you better get drunk. I was just trying to figure out why did I have to do one or the other?

Happy Birthday with the TING TINGS lol!!

I was just sitting back engaged in good conversation with good people. The day before My husband took me go kart racing, mini golfing, played in an arcade and did some swinging in the batting cages. He then took me to Bolingbrook to walk around at the Promenade outside and then took me to this great resturant Bd's Mongolian grill. Great place to eat. I would suggest it to anyone, especially if you want to be more hands on with your meal. Needless to say I had a great weekend. Today is my actual birthday, my mom stopped by with my cake and peanut butter fudge that Kolby helped make. I still have the rest of the day.

I am thankful for God allowing me another of life to grow, learn, make mistakes, laugh, fall in love even more. I am thankful for the the time God gives me for our relationship to grow, for delivering me from a plethora of things that were unnecessary in my life. Thankful for the great family, friends and friends who have become family. Thankful for an amazing husband who keeps me balanced.  Thank you for awesome parents, that spoiled me with love. Thank you to my wonderful daughter who has helped me to be more responsible and look at life differently. All in all just happy that I was blessed with another year of life. Most of all I'm just happy that I'm starting to step into my purpose. This year is goint to be awesome. Maybe baby # 2???

Christian marriages and Sex

I have to start writing about things that aren't so easy to talk about (well at least for me so publicly). I am a faithful reader of the articles on the site blackandmarriedwithkids.com. It's a great website with positive articles and great insight. I recently had a discussion with my husband and a good friend of ours. We talked about sex. The way I use to talk about sex in comparison to how I do now is completely different. It's probably that way because I'm married. A completely different ball game. A good friend of mine and fellow blogger just recently blogged about Sex in Christian marriages.

  It's such a hot topic. = ). First I would just like to say we are CHRISTIANS people, not aliens, or a different species, which means ladies and gentlemen, we're human. We have desires, and fantasies as well (ours are just about our SPOUSE). I don't know who spread the word that we're just suppose to have sex in the missionary position with no SPICE?  Hebrews 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Undefiled is defined as, free from stain or blemish ;not having its purity or excellence debased. (debased=reduced). (hey even I have to look up words sometimes.)
  To me that means you guys can try things that both parties are comfortable with. I don't need to make a list here, just use your imagination. God didn't say the only positions that are acceptable are x,y and z. He did not say that oral sex was excluded from your bedroom activities either. Men are visual creatures, so use that, own it. Be creative with your husband, do a sexy lap dance, a striptease for him or go Fifty Shades on him ( which will be a seperate blogpost) and tie him up . There are numerous possibilities out there to try with your husband/wife as long as you/they are willing. Show him your alter ego (the vixen you show him in the bedroom.) I just feel like my bedroom is a safe haven. I can express what I feel, what I like and definitely what I desire. I can do all that with my husband and he can do the same. Let's not get caught up on things that are dirty and not ALLOWED in the bedroom. I believe people have limits and boundaries, which your partner should respect.

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 Sex is ONE of many blessings, that SHOULD be experienced in marriage. I know this because I didn't wait. I know firsthand the consequences, (another blog, another day) that you face when you don't wait. Sex should be experienced with one person, that way there are no comparisons and just like everything else the two of you grow together in that aspect as well. This was the way God designed it.  I just want women/wives to know that it is ok to try things, it's your bedroom, what happens there is between you and your husband. I think it's healthy to add spice into the bedroom and always work on keeping the spice there. The information is right at our fingertips. We should do our homework here as well. Research different positions, techniques. We are not all sex guru's. I believe Jill Says it BEST. Read the article from Blackandmarriedwithkids.com
Too Many Sex Stipulations are Bad for Your Marriage.



What do you guys think? Do you think there should be some spice in the bedroom? Do you think that there are certain things not allowed?