Settling= A Recipe for Disaster pt. 2

 

 

 

I would like you to listen to the song first. I'll give you a couple minutes to do that now......

I was listening to this in the car the other day, it use to be my jam, expecially since I like to dance. = )

Anyways, well my husband and I talk about everything. We live in a time where men move in with their women. Women  pay for bills, rent etc. Men don't have cars and their driving around in their woman's whip. What is your limit?? and what are you (WOMEN) willing to accept from a man? I've dated the men who paid for everything, bought me nice things and tried to buy me instead of spend time with me. Then there was the guy who went halfsies on a lot of things. Then there was the guy who never had any money, to pay for dinner, gas, never really got me cards or took me any place special. If we went anywhere special I was usually paying for it.

 

 

I remember a very recent Sunday talking about the sermon after church. We were talking about the role of men and how we're designed. Our Pastor was talking to us about how men were designed to give and women were designed to receive. Men are the protectors and the providers. That being said I know we live in a different time. I know ladies we're I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.

See video below.

 

 

                                       

 

Just because we can take care of ourselves, does not, I REPEAT does not mean I want to take care of a man child. Man child = an overgrown man who acts and thinks like a juvenile. Why are women settling for these men? You know, the men who when you leave the house for work at 7:30 am are playing playstation and when you come home from work at 5:30pm are in the exact same spot. Why do we continue to coddle grown ass men?Why is the lazy dude so much more appealing then the one who goes to work and has his own?I know it's about partnership, but how much are you willing to accept from a dude you just started dating? I've never been a gold digger and it's not about money, but you have to bring something to the table. And it's ok to let a man be man. Pay the bills, foot the bill at dinner, you know the bare minimum things. What are you allowing to go on?

 

Why are standards thrown out the window? Have you ever settled, like really settled, gotten to the point where you just got comfortable??

 

 

 



Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me!!

It's official I am 26, closer to 30 then I am 20. Some people my age flip out or have three years where they stay 25 lol. I am not one of those people. There is beauty in getting older and aging. In no way shape of form would I ever hope to going backwards especially with all the wisdom/knowledge that you gain with each year that passes. I had a get together last night, at my place, that my wonderful husband put together for me. I had a really good time, a blend of old friends, new friends and my best friend.

There was great conversation, food and awesome company. What more could a girl ask for? There was wine and beer of course. I had no urge to drink. Those that know me when I was a newly 21, knew that it use to be one of my favorite past times. Drinking and smoking. I don't know if it's the excited feeling of just knowing that you can and it's something so new to some that you go overboard. Looking back at 21, never. So last night it wasn't my intention to get blazed or white girl wasted.  Some of my friends that were over were like do you want to smoke no I quit, well then you better get drunk. I was just trying to figure out why did I have to do one or the other?

Happy Birthday with the TING TINGS lol!!

I was just sitting back engaged in good conversation with good people. The day before My husband took me go kart racing, mini golfing, played in an arcade and did some swinging in the batting cages. He then took me to Bolingbrook to walk around at the Promenade outside and then took me to this great resturant Bd's Mongolian grill. Great place to eat. I would suggest it to anyone, especially if you want to be more hands on with your meal. Needless to say I had a great weekend. Today is my actual birthday, my mom stopped by with my cake and peanut butter fudge that Kolby helped make. I still have the rest of the day.

I am thankful for God allowing me another of life to grow, learn, make mistakes, laugh, fall in love even more. I am thankful for the the time God gives me for our relationship to grow, for delivering me from a plethora of things that were unnecessary in my life. Thankful for the great family, friends and friends who have become family. Thankful for an amazing husband who keeps me balanced.  Thank you for awesome parents, that spoiled me with love. Thank you to my wonderful daughter who has helped me to be more responsible and look at life differently. All in all just happy that I was blessed with another year of life. Most of all I'm just happy that I'm starting to step into my purpose. This year is goint to be awesome. Maybe baby # 2???

Christian marriages and Sex

I have to start writing about things that aren't so easy to talk about (well at least for me so publicly). I am a faithful reader of the articles on the site blackandmarriedwithkids.com. It's a great website with positive articles and great insight. I recently had a discussion with my husband and a good friend of ours. We talked about sex. The way I use to talk about sex in comparison to how I do now is completely different. It's probably that way because I'm married. A completely different ball game. A good friend of mine and fellow blogger just recently blogged about Sex in Christian marriages.

  It's such a hot topic. = ). First I would just like to say we are CHRISTIANS people, not aliens, or a different species, which means ladies and gentlemen, we're human. We have desires, and fantasies as well (ours are just about our SPOUSE). I don't know who spread the word that we're just suppose to have sex in the missionary position with no SPICE?  Hebrews 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Undefiled is defined as, free from stain or blemish ;not having its purity or excellence debased. (debased=reduced). (hey even I have to look up words sometimes.)
  To me that means you guys can try things that both parties are comfortable with. I don't need to make a list here, just use your imagination. God didn't say the only positions that are acceptable are x,y and z. He did not say that oral sex was excluded from your bedroom activities either. Men are visual creatures, so use that, own it. Be creative with your husband, do a sexy lap dance, a striptease for him or go Fifty Shades on him ( which will be a seperate blogpost) and tie him up . There are numerous possibilities out there to try with your husband/wife as long as you/they are willing. Show him your alter ego (the vixen you show him in the bedroom.) I just feel like my bedroom is a safe haven. I can express what I feel, what I like and definitely what I desire. I can do all that with my husband and he can do the same. Let's not get caught up on things that are dirty and not ALLOWED in the bedroom. I believe people have limits and boundaries, which your partner should respect.

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 Sex is ONE of many blessings, that SHOULD be experienced in marriage. I know this because I didn't wait. I know firsthand the consequences, (another blog, another day) that you face when you don't wait. Sex should be experienced with one person, that way there are no comparisons and just like everything else the two of you grow together in that aspect as well. This was the way God designed it.  I just want women/wives to know that it is ok to try things, it's your bedroom, what happens there is between you and your husband. I think it's healthy to add spice into the bedroom and always work on keeping the spice there. The information is right at our fingertips. We should do our homework here as well. Research different positions, techniques. We are not all sex guru's. I believe Jill Says it BEST. Read the article from Blackandmarriedwithkids.com
Too Many Sex Stipulations are Bad for Your Marriage.



What do you guys think? Do you think there should be some spice in the bedroom? Do you think that there are certain things not allowed?

Black Love and Blended Families

         Last Thursday July 19, 2012 I attended The Kindred Family Soul performance at The Shrine, in Chicago. I bought the tickets as soon as I heard they were going to be performing out here. (A little background, they're my favorite singing duo). The show was dope and it exceeded my expectations. Their voices complimented each other so well, of course we all love artists whose voices sound the same as on the cd. (It’s 2012, that's not always the case.) It was a beautiful experience. I loved watching them perform. Anyone in that room could tell that they were up there doing what they loved together and were very much in love on top of that. Who wouldn't enjoy doing what they love most with the person they love most? That in fact is a dream of mine. To write, but to write with my most treasured friend and love of my life (In case you don't know who that is, it's my husband.) Check out Kindred.

       

               When my husband and I tell people that we're married, or introduce our spouse to old classmates, old employees or associates they always seem to be surprised that we're married. We're young and black; so I guess people don't associate young black couples with marriage? And on top of that young and happily married. So why is this idea so unattainable? The idea that we make our blended family work  is crazy as well We have had some bumps and we continue to, but we try to work them out as best as we know how. We're still a work in progress when it comes to that. Every time I sit down to write a piece or a blog, I usually have a reason/purpose. There are other times when I sit down and write and something purposeful comes from it.

                Marrying my best friend was the best decision that I’ve ever made. I’ve always felt closer to God with him. Since we’ve been married my personal relationship with God has grown. My daughter is the product of a previous relationship. In the beginning I was a little leary as to how he would take to her. Once he started to get to know her it was no stopping it. My daughter is his daughter. He previously wrote something like this (this is not it verbatim), “I did not plant the seed, but I water it, tend to it, nurture it and give it the care that it needs to grow.” He is her father. I don’t think anyone else would have taken on that responsibility with as much grace as he did. Let’s fast forward to now, we’re 9 months into our marriage and we’re happy. Not the put on a happy face so everyone thinks we’re happy, we’re genuinely happy. We get on each other’s nerves, last nerve sometimes, but we work through it. The older I get there are things I notice about me that need work. Once you realize there are things that need work, you can begin to work on them together. We pray together, we talk about things; we have even gone over some of our notes from pre-marital counseling. My marriage is not perfect, but it’s a happy one. So it does exist.

                When I tell people how happy I am, it is combated with wait until you guys have that first serious fight, and you might even come to the point where you’ll be duking it out. My answer usually is, I don’t really see that happening, and the response usually is, oh just wait it’s coming. The older married couples or the divorced seem to enjoy scaring the younger generation. Oh marriage is hard work. I Marriage takes a lot don’t get me wrong, but it you have a partner who works with you, it’s not bad at all. Marrying your friend also helps because you have the friendship established. That’s what helps our marriage, the fact that we were best friends. Not the cliché, he’s my best friend. We were the we kicked it hard, did everything together best friends. He didn’t become my best friend after we started dating; he was my best friend before any of that came into play. I don’t claim to know everything about marriage. I have a lifetime to learn more. You just have to be open minded and not afraid to step outside your comfort zone. God is the foundation of our relationship. My husband is the head of my household and I do willingly submit to him. I trust that he will guide us in the right direction, because he is being instructed by God. For all of the women who cringe at the word submit (I was one of them), it takes a strong woman to submit to her husband. It’s an equal thing that will happen throughout marriage. Those of you who are married know what I’m talking about.  I don’t keep secrets, there are no hidden agendas, and we are honest and open with one another. I am saying all this to say the women who have had kids and aren’t with the father, you don’t have to settle, be patient. God created a man who will love you and your child(ren). There are happily married young black couples. Blended families do work (this is where effort is needed). I’m just so tired of the negativity that is focused on. No one wants to hear the positive things going

on.

      

Shout out to the young black married couples doing their thing.

What do you think? What is your idea of a happy marriage? Do you think it’s obtainable?

Love, Peace and Blessings

Say it LOUD.....

Not too long ago I was reading a blog a good friend of mine had posted. I immediately went to Amazon to purchase the book she was talking about. I had been in dire need of a good read. Then you know at the bottom after you purchase something, it has users who purchase this often purchase this...and they have suggestions. I then see this documentary, Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975. A week prior my husband and I had watched a documentary on 2Pac. The Black panthers were very powerful. Like Dr. King said,"There's power in numbers." Meanwhile the tradgedy of Trayon Martin is going on. My husband and I discuss EVERYTHING. (One of the pros of marrying your bestfriend.) Maybe this is the incident that will get everyone to come together. It doesn't need to be a temporary coming together but a more permanent coming together. During the civil rights they marched, they had sit ins, peaceful protest, they did whatever it took to stand up for justice/equality.
    Is it our time? Me, I sit here and think what can I do personally to make a difference? I can't be the only one that wants to do it, there have to be others like-minded that want to do the same. What does it all mean? My husband and I were trying to figure out how we were going to incoporate that into our ministry. What was the Black Panther movement missing? It was missing God. After Dr. Martin Luther King Jr died, who emerged next continuing that movement? We have to know our history, understand where we come from and understand our struggles as a people in order to help move forward. But you know what I loved most about the women of the Black panthers? They were educated, they took pride in that. What do we as Black women take pride in? What clothes we wear on our bodies, the shoes we wear on our feet and our hair? Really? What do we stand for as a whole? We need to focus on being more conscious and educating ourselves, figuring and asking God, hey what do I need to do for you, just use me. God has given us all a purpose. I'm soaking up all the knowledge I can, so when it's time for HIM to use me I'm ready. Is it your time?

Enlightenment

I started a blog a couple of days ago, saved it to my USB drive, and then my drive died. I was only sad because it was a pretty good blog. I have found myself in this weird place for a few days last week. I was in a FUNK, a huge one. I have an amazing husband, who goes above and beyond to make sure I’m happy. I have a spunky 2 year old, who is as sweet as pie. The remaining friends that I do have are great and supportive. A great support system my family and in laws. Last but certainly not least (saving the best for last) this awesome, awesome God who loves me and accepts me, like Beyonce’s song Flaws and All. I am grateful for my job which drains most of my energy throughout the week.

Every day I wake up, besides being thankful for being woken up, one of the first thoughts on my mind….I look over at my husband and think damn he’s fine, maybe we can sneak.... nevermind mind wandering. Then I think about writing. Needless to say I wake up EVERY single day and think about my day to see if I can steal 30 mins just to sit and write. I don't care what form it's in whether I'm blogging, writing in my journal or continuing on with my book. When I don't get to write or share my thoughts I get in a funk. I am going to make it a point to take sometime everday to write. I also learned that I need to take SOME ME TIME. I am a mother, a wife, a writer and a teacher. A teacher wears more than one hat simultaneously (so most days I'm a nurse, therapist/counselor, disciplinarian just to name a few). I went out with the girls on Friday. We went to The Baton, a drag show and had a blast. We had a couple of drinks, made jokes, spent half of the night with our mouths hanging open. We could not believe how beautiful those men looked in drag. They looked better than some women I know (*Sad, but true story*). Then Alethea took me to Lalos, this Salsa resturant/club. My people take their salsa seriously. I had an amazing time. Then Alethea talked in the parking garage for 45 mins.The conversations I have with Ms. Watson are also wonderful. She's the kind of friend that tells you how it is. Not in a bogus way, but in a way that you can receive the information that she's giving you. Needless to say it was the girls night out that I needed. I included this to say, we as women ( well some of us) don't take the T out that we need sometimes from life. It may be a night of dancing, reading a book, writing, painting, going to a movie, whatever floats your boat. It's ok to take me time to refresh yourself.I was out having a good time, but I was just as eager to get back home to my hubby (mom had the baby ;)) . Double smiles for that ; ).

   " I think that sometimes I forget how much FUN life can be because of the stress of work and other little things."

Sometimes I just need to step back and look at life. It's a load of fun. Those of you who may not know my husband he's a wonderful man who is serious, but he loves life. He's fun loving and he always tries to remind me that everything is just not that serious nor is it worth is. Plus who couldn't love life with my spunky 2 year old. There are just too many things to be thankful for. I have been focusing so much on the negative and what I had lost. I've gained so much in the past year, it's plenty to be thankful for. I have to sit back and enjoy the simplicities in life. Great family, amazing friends,fine @$$ husband who is also my bestfriend, did I mention my awesome daughter, a steady pay check,two beautiful healthy godsons who both just happen to be named Mason/Maycen what more could a woman ask for? (God willing, I will start getting things for this youth center in order, pray for me ya'll). Yes and I know what I stated how thankful I was twice, but even that's not enough acknowledgement, but it will do for now. Blessed....loved.....thankful

Does anyone else forget to sit back and just enjoy life from time to time?

Black History Month

Happy Black History Month! Thanks to my mother I know a plethera of things that I wouldn't have, had she not taught us. We were given books to read about different black people when we were younger. It was always a treat for me cause I loved reading about people and their lives when I was younger.

      I say this to say TEACH your children. TEACH our babies about their history. Stop telling them just about Dr. Martin Luther King, Harriet Tubman, Soujourner Truth, they are all wonderful/inspirational people. Learning about our history is not limited to slavery. That is not the only thing we went through, again not downplaying ANYTHING, by any means. Tell our kids that we came from Kings and Queens in Africa. That Africans were amoung the first to have a governement and have laws recorded.We are SMART, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL, AND CAN BE ANYBODY WE WANT TO BE.


This is my reasoning for saying this. I was in my mother's classroom when she asked on Feburary 1st, What is today? The kids looked around at each other or stared back at her with blank  faces. After they shouted out the obvious things,( February, Valentines Day etc) they looked around in complete confusion when the answer was NO. My mom had to give them some hints, they finally go it. Then she asked another question. What President ended Slavery? Why did a student begin to say Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Really? Dr. Marting Luther King Jr. ended slavery in the 60's. C'mon man.

Tell your children to put down the video games, give them books let them read about the Tuskegee Airmen, Mary McCleod Bethune, Medgar Evers, W.E.B. DeBuois, Benjimen Banikar, Josephine Baker,Bessie Smith, Angela Davis, and Marcus Gravey. Give them a book about Macolm X, the black panthers. Fill your children with this knowledge. Expose them to other music like Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Sam Cooke, Nat King Cole, Duke Ellington, Bill Withers, Instead of them just thinking Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, Kanye West Wiz Khalifa (sp) is the only kind of music out there. Let them know that we have invented things, we have written things, created things (paintings), written songs and sang them.

We have to do better as a people to educate our young black children. Let them know that while having the dream to be a rapper, basketball player,football player, model, singer, actor/actress, while it is great, not everyone is meant to be one of those. There are other things to do outside of that. Just take the time to eduacate your kids on our History.Most kids don't have the desire to go out and try to find books on their own.

What do you think?