"I'll See Your STEP and Raise you a FATHER"

I have the honor and privilege of introducing my bestfriend and husband. He is a huge supporter and my biggest encourager. He's the best man I know and one of the best writers.

 

                                   

 

 

Giving honor to God

Love to my Queen for the feature.

I help raise a beautiful 3 year old girl.  I love her with all my heart.  I loved her initially because I love her mother.  She’s a woman I fell in love with years before she was born.  We started off as classmates, then we became friends, then she became one of my two best friends.  It wasn’t foreign to me to have close female friends, some I became involved with, others became like sisters but this one was different.  I just wanted to be there for her and around her all the time.  Initially there was no feeling there; I didn’t even like skinny girls.  Neither of us knew that we had met our spouse; all we knew is that we had an indescribable need and desire to be in each other’s company.  

When we eventually became involved with each other, it seemed we both had a vendetta against the union and did everything we could to sabotage it.  Through the failed attempts we remained as close as we ever were.  

Then there was one last fallout, and that was it.  My side kick, my right hand, my soul mate, my best friend was out of my life. We both knew that things could never go back to the way they were (though we never imagined it would turn out so much better), but she tried and I denied.  I was hurt and I moved on or at least my version of it.  She also moved forward, began dating and eventually had Kolby.   Imagine the woman you love telling you she’s engaged and pregnant.  It’s like how people remember where they were when Kennedy was shot or when the planes crashed into the Trade Center.  It was the cherry on top of my own personal tragedy.  

I look back on the things I said and the things I did and it does bring some shame to my heart.  I had a lot of solo nights.  Dated different women, even got into a couple of bar fights.  It was like losing a leg.

The communication was dead on my end and minimal on hers.  I wanted nothing to do with her.   I just wanted three things, that I would stop loving her, that they both would be healthy and happy, and lastly that she would forget all about me and never speak to me again.

The Lord began to work on me and my rampage stopped.  I started to hang with the fellas more and then I started staying home with the family soon after.  That gave me peace.  I began to deal with myself.  I began to get my own internal house in order.  Not knowing that God was preparing me to be a husband and a “step” father.  

When we got back together there was no need to beat around the bush, we both knew we wanted to marry one another.  She was 100% sure, but I wasn’t.  I was apprehensive because I didn’t want to be hurt again, but mainly because I did not want to resent the child.  We encountered opposition from different angles initially.  It was not easy to say the least.  Kolby was scared of me.  I’m big and black not something she was used to lol.  I also hadn’t opened my heart up to her and believe it or not children can pick up on that.  As time went on we became close and today I love her as if she were my own.

I make no apologies to anyone for calling her my daughter, if someone does have an issue with that you can ask her.  But I am one of three people that can call her that.  She has a biological father that she knows and loves.  I like  to see them interact with each other.  I love that she loves him.   When I was asking my father-in-law for his daughter’s hand in marriage he said five words about his granddaughter regarding her father, “Do what’s best for Kolby.”  I believe I have done that to the best of my natural ability.

She calls me Daddy or Pops because she respects the man I am in the house she lives.  When she lived with my in-laws she drew from what my father-in-law is in his home and respects me in the same way.  I have never told her to call me Daddy; she did that on her own.  I am by far the hardest disciplinarian in her life and the ultimate enforcer.  It is my job, it is my joy.  She brings joy to an area of my heart that God reserved just for her.   I know that many biological families and their friends will not respect the “step” father and his family and that’s fine.  You just keep doing what you do because all that matters is that the child respects you as that authority in their life.  I chose this life, it wasn’t an accident, I knew what I was getting in to but I didn’t fully understand what I was getting.  

I take great pleasure in seeing her Mother and Father in her, from her ears to her facial expressions.  I see both of her grandmother’s in her eyes and body language.  I’m inspired by her relationship with my father in law it is a thing of beauty.  But beyond all this I can also see my influence in her life.  Like when she’s doing something she thinks she’s not supposed to and looks right at me to see if I have objections. How we lay on our backs and count imaginary stars on the ceiling.  The things my mother and father teach her as well as our siblings.  

Why can’t we sit back, shut the hell up and learn to cooperate with one another.  It won’t always be easy but if you’re so worried about being upset with another person you miss out on the beauty in a child’s development.  Stop listening to people who aren’t in your situation (FRIENDS).  Go to God for yourself and figure out how your blended family will work.  It may not work like mine and there will probably always be some uneasiness.  We have to give our children the best opportunity to grow that we can offer.  I was taught by a great man to pray for your children (grand,god) even before you know them.  Pray with them when they get here, they are not just Instagram and Facebook props.  Blended parents respect one another and the children.  Communicate with them and each other.  One father may never live with their child, another will never be blood but if you ask that child if they are loved by both they shouldn’t hesitate.  Lets Grow Together because We’re in this Together.

SHOW LOVE

Persuaded by the GOSPEL

Motivated by FAITH

Inspired by LOVE


Thanks love. Comments are welcomed.