Black Classic Cinema Returns: The Best Man Holiday

When I heard this movie was coming out I was OVER the MOON excited. I can't remember the last time I was this geeked to see a movie. When was the last time a movie like this came out? It's of the same caliber as The Wood, its pre-quel Best Man, Love Jones, Brown Sugar and The Brothers. Take a minute and seriously think about? There are so many talented black actors in this movie. It's about love, real life situations that many people go through and the connections (relationships) that people have with one another. My husband made a very good point yesterday, relationships are the most powerful connection that we have to one another, other than the relationship that you have with God.  

The depiction of black love and interpersonal interactions between characters, a thing of beauty. It's something that is not seen in every movie, but you see how vital it is to the movie. Connections. Best Man Holiday made me go through a roller coaster of emotions. Watching to see how the characters had grown and stayed the same connected it back to the original film. (Mind you we were sitting next to a young woman who had never seen The Best Man... UGH)  It's raw and real; close to something that we experience with our own friends. The characters are definitely something we can relate to and have to deal with. Learning to move forward and learn from our past. Definitely learning what it means to truly forgive and seeing what unforgiveness can do to your heart. It's nice to see the importance of friendship and what it truly means to be faithful to God.

The relationship between Harper and Jordyn, and Harper and wife Robyn is a real life situation. Two of the most important women in his life don't mesh. It doesn't always end where the two women end up being besties. Candy and Merch, where the past meets the future and for a few minutes your ego gets the best of you. Egos can ruin a lot of things. The chemistry between the cast is dynamic, none of it seems forced. There is a genuine love and respect for one another.

 

 

 

You see the transition from friends to family and what all that means; you take the good with the bad. Love is what the movie is based on. The depiction of characters and the development of them, every aspect they had in the movie made it what it was, which was EVERYTHING.

The positive image of black relationships another aspect that needed to be applauded. Despite what you see around you, there are successful black relationships and marriages going on around you. I was for damn sure happy to see it up on the big screen for ALL to see. It definitely lived up to the hype. It was so great, my husband I talked about it on and off all day, and I woke up thinking about it. I'm a sucker for romantic comedies. I recommend all to go out and see the movie.

 

Which movie was your favorite? The Best Man or The Best Man Holiday?

 

Our Family Unit

I'm back. = ) I've been getting into the swing of things and just needed a mental vacation away, so I took one. There are a lot of NEW things happening with our family. First and foremost  I have been dealing with all day sickness and carrying out my other duties as wife and mother. We found out that we are expecting another child April 2014. Our toddler just started her first week of pre-school. We are over the moon excited about the new changes with our family.

I think over the past few months I have learned a numerous amount of things about the people in my life. My husband is a father and a damn good one. He is a father, not a father figure. A father figure is a basketball coach or Uncle who tells you to pull up your pants and teaches you other life lessons. A father is someone who is actively involved on a day to day basis, a person who takes care of their child, disciplines, teaches and plays with their child.

When I speak of a blended family. I am talking about the immediate family unit, my husband, myself and our children. I have a wonderful support system in my family and my in laws. If you ask my in laws how many grandchildren they have, they'll tell you they have one with another on the way. No step-grandchildren, a grandchild , to ask them how they feel about having their first "Real" grandchild (trust that has been said out loud to them.) it is pretty offensive.

I don't think people understand a love like that. To love a child who is biologically not yours but loving them as if they are. That type of love is incredible. People say they understand verbally, but their actions say differently. It's hard to expect someone to understand when they haven't experienced God's love. God's love is limitless, it heals all wounds. Trust, that's something we know well in this household. I acknowledge good and well that my daughter has 2 fathers. Ask Kolby, she'll tell you. Our doors are always open to anyone who wants to see her or visit. It's been like that since day one. The fact that some don't take advantage of it, or feel a certain way about it, that's on you.

To tell me my husband is a father figure is an insult and rubs me the wrong way. I have an amazing dad. I have a great father in law. I have also had my share of father figures as well. My blended family works the way it works. Is there room for improvement ? Always. Like my husband stated what works for us may not work for you. Some of our friends don't know how to blend and frankly it makes no difference. My family exemplifies love. Lori said it perfectly in her blog, " We surround ourselves with people that will lovingly support us." For me that's not just with their words, but also with their actions.

I think about it now because we don't believe in step this and half that. My next child will be her brother/sister. We are put here for a purpose and my family was put together for a purpose. Lori also said, " Peoples thoughts, actions and decisions are out of our control, I chose not to live my life for others." Some of our friends and family have blended well and some have not at the end of the day you can chose to be a part of our unit or not.

Christians....We don't live in a Box.

Several months ago we had a get together for my husband's birthday. I love having people over cooking for them and then watching them enjoy the food, it's great. Like most times we end up talking about God and life. It's wonderful. One of our friends described Christianity as living in a box. I had to step back and think about it for a minute. There are many people out there that would probably describe Christianity as such.

There are a great deal of people out there who don't want to be held accountable for their actions. They do not want rules to live their life by. A lot of people are into living life to the fullest and living in the moment. They don't think of consequences to their actions. It's selfish. In the end if something does go wrong you end up hurting not only yourself, but everyone who loves you. God has things set up a certain way, that way things fall into place. When we go against God's ways that's when we have problems. Things are set up the way they are to protect us from hurt. I understand that now. It's not to limit the fun that we have in this life. The people who think God doesn't want us to have fun, don't your parents want to see you happy and having fun? Why would God be any different? He is our Father right?

The closer I get on my spiritual walk the happier I have become. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the closest I have felt to God is with my husband. It's a beautiful and freeing feeling to be able to worship/praise God and pray with my husband. It's freeing I don't feel limited at all being a Christian. I love to dance, sing and listen to music. I heart music. Hey Christians even tell jokes. We laugh we have a good time, we discuss different topics, we learn. Reading the Bible is exciting, there are so many life lessons in there that can be applied to everyday life. It's a book that is timeless.

I even drink a glass of wine here and there. I'm not perfect, but being a Christian isn't about living a perfect life. You're bound to fall short, the difference is acknowledging it, asking for forgiveness and moving forward. It's about living a life full of love. It's about being kind, forgiving and understanding. Being able to serve and help others, it just enriches life. Being a Christian is about growth. I had conversation with my sister last night. I was just amazed at how much she has grown spiritually in just a year, I stopped at points in our conversation just to tell God Thank you. That has been one of my biggest prayers for my siblings Faith to grow stronger and for them to have a personal relationship with God.  We have too much to do here while we're on Earth, than to waste time being mad over miscommunications. My personal favorite is when people let pride get in the way. Pride is a roadblock; it just gets in the way and is a total inconvenience. It complicates situations that don't need to be complicated. Being a Christian is also about reconciling. Why not? Life is better when your getting along with the people you love right? It's kind of a get in where you fit in situation. If you see an opportunity to make amends then you should, even when you think there isn't room for it, we should create our own opportunity for reconciliation.

I am open minded. I love. I do understand that all Christians are not like this. My prayer is that we become more like our heavenly father. If anything being a Christian is anything but living in a box. I understand that people don't want to sacrifice certain things and that's what you're doing when you give your live to Christ. I feel it's the least you can do. He did live as a man, kicked it with the undesirable and died on the cross JUST FOR US.  I'm just saying. I have gained so much more in life. I just want to do what I am called to do and Glorify God while I do it.

What are you living for? Do you feel that Freedom?

 

Accepting Applications for a Good man.....

                                 

It's funny how all these different topics are relevant to my life in some shape or form. Our site coordinator for our building, her brother stopped by to talk to her and since that's my homie she brought him down to my room to meet me. They look like twins except for the fact that he is a giant. She also introduced him to my mom and of course my mom asked if he was married or seeing someone. She jokingly said that she had some available friends and chuckled. Then later when my mom and I were talking she asked if I met our site coordinator's brother. She was like he's a man who can build almost anything and he likes to work with his hands. She was like he's the kind of man women need to be looking for. A man that works with his hands and is not afraid to work. I said I'm sure he cleans up pretty nice too. I started writing this blog a few days before this happened. but it got me thinking and it was just further validation that I needed to write me blog and publish. I just looked up and said, "Alright God, I hear you."

I want a GOOD man. I don't know how many times I've heard women (me included) say this. I truly believe that we attract what we are. If you're currently a mess I wouldn't advise you to go out and try to find a mate. (I'm just saying) Women continuously ask for a good men, when we're asking this we have to make sure that we've examined ourselves and have something good to offer as well. But I believe first and foremost we most love and like ourselves in order to proceed to the next step. Women when you ask for something sincerely in your heart and you are in the place to receive it, accept the good thing that God blesses you with when it comes. I asked for a Good man and paraded around with all the wrong men, while I had my good man there all along.

 I promise, I woke up one day (when Brandon and I were together previously) thinking about our relationship. He was great a gentleman, opening doors, affectionate, thoughtful, loving and the list goes one, we didn't argue, we got along great. I just thought to myself why is everything going so great? why is he so nice? Mind you this is what I had prayed for, but I wasn't willing to accept it once I had it. I questioned it and started picking fights, now this, this was what I was use to. Just cause it was something that I was use to doesn't mean that this is how relationships are suppose to be. I'll chalk it up to being immature.

I'm sharing this to say that I'm sure this happens all too often in our world ladies. Some of us have to learn how to break patterns, STOP GOING AFTER THE boys dressed up like Men. Step out the box date the nice guy, cause at the end of the day that's who you want to be with anyways. Stop being so quick to put the good guy in the friend zone and continue to chase after the "bad boy." Women want a good man, but aren't willing to go through the necessary steps to procure a good man. (Not all women, hats off to the women who reeled the good guy in the first time around : )) We have to trust in God, like I keep telling you God's got you. We have to stop ignoring that gut feeling that he gives us, if we started listening we would get out of dead end relationships much quicker. God does reveal to us things about our partners, we just have to pay attention. Why is it that we continue to ask for good guys but end up running behind the boys playing dress up?  Women can meet someone have a great chemistry with someone, then try to find a flaw in them, so that they can go back to guy that continues to treat them like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe.

 We have to accept our blessings in the whatever form they come in.( mine just happened to be 6'0, chocolate with big arms... another woman's blessing might be 5'10 and look like Drake, when Drake was Jimmy on DeGrassi lol let me stop. The next time you're praying and asking for something/someone, ask yourself one question am I ready for it?

Has anyone else tried to sabotage a relationship that was going great because you weren't ready?

It Happens.......

 

 

Larry previously wrote The Silent Killer and this week Larry has some words of wisdom that he would like to share.

I have had a few friends within the past few days tell me that people when it comes to people not loving each other anymore, "it just happens". You may see this as a true statement but it's not a  very accurate statement.. "it  happens" implies that there is nothing you can do to stop it.."It happens". This is wrong! It doesn't have to happen, it doesn't just happen, its a process! It is a process that can be halted then reversed. We all get to the moment where that "in love" feeling fades. We have to realize that feelings come and go and they can be sustained or depleted. To restore those feelings you must guide your heart. You love what you put your time into. If you keep your time and effort where it belongs (in your marriage with your spouse) you have a better chance of continuing the in love feeling you desire.  The truth is, Love itself is a choice of commitment.


Now a days we have soo much vying for our attention other than our spouse. It is so easy to get caught up in these chat rooms and other forms of social media! These online relationships are detrimental to your marriage. If you are into these types of things please remember the 80/20 rule! Your online relationship is a fantasy that will lead you down the wrong path!

 Proverbs 14:12-13 AMP
There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death. Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful, and the end of mirth is heaviness and grief... Stay committed to you marriage and realize that some times it takes quite a while to get it right but its worth it! I know that in todays' "all about me society" it is hard to do this but; it would be in you and your family's best interest to switch from your microwave mentality and go conventional oven! Have more patience and wait on the Lord through your process! Remember that your marriage and the fruit it bares is BIGGER than you! I want to leave you with a few scriptures to help you through your trials...

Mark 8:34-35 AMP
If anyone intends to come after Me, let him deny himself [forget, ignore, disown, and lose sight of himself and his own interests] and take up his cross, and [joining Me as a disciple and siding with My party] follow with Me [continually, cleaving steadfastly to Me]. For whoever wants to save his [higher, spiritual, eternal] life, will lose it [the lower, natural, temporal life which is lived only on earth]; and whoever gives up his life [which is lived only on earth] for My sake and the Gospel’s will save it [his higher, spiritual life in the eternal kingdom of God].

Galatians 6:9 AMP
And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

Isaiah 40:31 AMP
But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.
Bind these words around your neck..i.e. Meditate on these words daily and seek Godly counsel so that you may weather the storm.
--Never Let Go


What do you guys think?

Experiencing Interracial Marriage.....

 

 

I have another guest blogger this week, Lori. I met Lori at work, she's very organized (when I say organized, I mean ORGANIZED lol), sweet and the thing we have most in common is Christ  (Probably one of the best things to have in common with some one, well at least I think so. Oh we both have ADORBABLE little girls.) I was very excited when she said agreed to write, check her out.

 

It’s hard to believe that less than 50 years ago, interracial marriages were still pretty much illegal across the United States. By the time I was born, Loving vs. Virginia had only occurred 13 years earlier. I can’t exactly pinpoint the age I was when I knew, but I just knew. I would grow up and marry a man outside of my race…a black man to be exact. Why? Perhaps it was because out of all of the bullying I received from first grade through high school, not one of the bullies was black. Perhaps it was because black boys befriended me; white boys did not. Or maybe it was just the pure and simple fact that I always seemed to be attracted to the black males. Regardless, this attraction and desire to date outside of my race was heavily frowned upon by my parents. “You can be friends with them, but you cannot date them.” I lost count of how many times I heard that statement growing up! Despite my parents’ beliefs (at the time; they since have changed), I chose to respect them and left my desires in God’s hands.

 

By the time I met my (now) husband at age 24, I had been living over 500 miles away from my parents and supporting myself for over three years. Yet, I was a nervous wreck when I dialed their phone number to let them know I had met someone. I knew what their reaction would be, and while I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them, I knew it was time to face their beliefs that I had always been so strongly against and lovingly tell them that this was a man they could trust their baby girl’s heart with, despite the fact that we did not share the same skin color.  It took about six solid months of dating before CJ was fully accepted by my parents…and that was eight years ago. God used our relationship to show my parents that life/marriage is not about color.

 

Over the past (almost) seven years of marriage, I have experienced a limited amount of difficulties or challenges. For the most part, my husband and I have both felt loved and accepted. No one has ever been blatantly disrespectful or rude to us out in public. We do live in a “melting pot” area of the country; everywhere I look I see interracial couples. I feel like we “fit right in.” However, we are the minority in some very pertinent areas of our lives. For example, while our Church has become more diverse over the past few years, it is still predominately white. And the private school we send our daughter to is almost all white (that was a huge challenge for my hubby to deal with). There are certain towns that we will never move to because either CJ feels out of place or I do. We have found what works for us as a couple and as a family.

 

While I know there are countless people from all races and walks of life that are adamantly against interracial marriage, their thoughts, actions, and decisions are out of our control. I choose to not live my life for others, nor do I make my decisions based on what others feel is “right” or “wrong.” CJ and I don’t invite drama into our lives, marriage, or family; therefore, we surround ourselves with people that will lovingly support us.

 

CJ and I are complete opposites, but I don’t feel it’s because we are from different races. God uses our strengths and weaknesses to help make our marriage stronger and more unified. We have taught one another many things, and I believe the same is true for other marriages out there, regardless of the couples’ races. While on the outside, CJ and I obviously have drastically different skin tones, he’s my husband. He’s the love of my life, and we choose to find our identity in Christ…not in the color of our skin.  

 

I love that she said, " CJ and I don't invite drama into our lives, marriage, or family; therefore, we surround ourselves with people that will lovingly support us." I think that's one of the most important things in a marriage. Surround yourselves with loving and supportive people. Thanks Lori for sharing a piece of your life with us.

 

Any comments?

Just the TWO of Us

                                         (Side note I downloaded your wedding song while you were dancing dope choice for a first dance. Check out the Video below : ))


This past weekend I had to pleasure of attending (a good friend of mine) a beautiful union between DeShawn and Tracy. I went upstairs before the wedding to pray with Tracy (God puts it on my heart to do these things that I would never just do on my own, he knows I need a little push) She looked beautiful, a little jittery, but very excited. I hugged her and told her everything was going to be alright. I went downstairs to join my husband in the sanctuary. (Which btw was beautifully decorated and packed.) DeShawn looked genuinely happy and read to marry the woman he loves. You could just see how much he loves her by the way he was watching her sashay down the aisle towards him. That was great to see. People always notice how excited the Bride is, he was equally ecstatic. Watching someone you love marry the person they love and seeing the love between them, it's a beautiful thing.

We enjoyed ourselves very much. I believe the thing that stuck out to me the most were the speeches/toasts given at the reception. While the speeches were going on Brandon whispered to me, "They're being ministered to right now and they don't even know it ." Be each others Who? What? Why? When? and How? DeShawn was told by Tracy's sisters that they're her family, but he now comes before them. Remember at the end of the day it's just you two. One of the groomsmen gave a fantastic toast as well. He explained how both Tracy and DeShawn both have a blueprint on how a marriage is suppose to work. (Their parents) Everyone at the wedding, we're just added support and around to be encouraging, but it's just the two of them in THEIR marriage. Surround yourselves with loving, supportive all around good people.

If you want a successful marriage you surround yourselves with other happily married folks. We have to support and uplift each other. What is true is that in a marriage it's you, your spouse and God. That's it. Not your mama, daddy, sister, brother or friends. You cannot share everything and you cannot let everyone into your marriage. I like that it was reiterated by almost everyone who gave a speech. In marriage your spouse becomes your family and is first, their needs come before EVERYBODY else. I keep saying this because I believe some family members like to test this part of marriage. Some family members like to put you in awkward positions with your spouse and there are even some who try to challenge your spouse coming before everything and everyone.

I'm just saying all this to say your spouse should be the first person you want to share things with, always communicate what's going on with each other. Tracy, I am proud of the women that you're becoming and so very happy for you; DeShawn I have only had the pleasure of meeting you a couple of times, but I look forward to getting to know you more. I pray your marriage is long, happy and more than you ever dreamed of. Love you both Cheers to the newly weds.

Has anyone had problems with people trying to be all up in your marriage? (<---- lol wording)

<3

"I'll See Your STEP and Raise you a FATHER"

I have the honor and privilege of introducing my bestfriend and husband. He is a huge supporter and my biggest encourager. He's the best man I know and one of the best writers.

 

                                   

 

 

Giving honor to God

Love to my Queen for the feature.

I help raise a beautiful 3 year old girl.  I love her with all my heart.  I loved her initially because I love her mother.  She’s a woman I fell in love with years before she was born.  We started off as classmates, then we became friends, then she became one of my two best friends.  It wasn’t foreign to me to have close female friends, some I became involved with, others became like sisters but this one was different.  I just wanted to be there for her and around her all the time.  Initially there was no feeling there; I didn’t even like skinny girls.  Neither of us knew that we had met our spouse; all we knew is that we had an indescribable need and desire to be in each other’s company.  

When we eventually became involved with each other, it seemed we both had a vendetta against the union and did everything we could to sabotage it.  Through the failed attempts we remained as close as we ever were.  

Then there was one last fallout, and that was it.  My side kick, my right hand, my soul mate, my best friend was out of my life. We both knew that things could never go back to the way they were (though we never imagined it would turn out so much better), but she tried and I denied.  I was hurt and I moved on or at least my version of it.  She also moved forward, began dating and eventually had Kolby.   Imagine the woman you love telling you she’s engaged and pregnant.  It’s like how people remember where they were when Kennedy was shot or when the planes crashed into the Trade Center.  It was the cherry on top of my own personal tragedy.  

I look back on the things I said and the things I did and it does bring some shame to my heart.  I had a lot of solo nights.  Dated different women, even got into a couple of bar fights.  It was like losing a leg.

The communication was dead on my end and minimal on hers.  I wanted nothing to do with her.   I just wanted three things, that I would stop loving her, that they both would be healthy and happy, and lastly that she would forget all about me and never speak to me again.

The Lord began to work on me and my rampage stopped.  I started to hang with the fellas more and then I started staying home with the family soon after.  That gave me peace.  I began to deal with myself.  I began to get my own internal house in order.  Not knowing that God was preparing me to be a husband and a “step” father.  

When we got back together there was no need to beat around the bush, we both knew we wanted to marry one another.  She was 100% sure, but I wasn’t.  I was apprehensive because I didn’t want to be hurt again, but mainly because I did not want to resent the child.  We encountered opposition from different angles initially.  It was not easy to say the least.  Kolby was scared of me.  I’m big and black not something she was used to lol.  I also hadn’t opened my heart up to her and believe it or not children can pick up on that.  As time went on we became close and today I love her as if she were my own.

I make no apologies to anyone for calling her my daughter, if someone does have an issue with that you can ask her.  But I am one of three people that can call her that.  She has a biological father that she knows and loves.  I like  to see them interact with each other.  I love that she loves him.   When I was asking my father-in-law for his daughter’s hand in marriage he said five words about his granddaughter regarding her father, “Do what’s best for Kolby.”  I believe I have done that to the best of my natural ability.

She calls me Daddy or Pops because she respects the man I am in the house she lives.  When she lived with my in-laws she drew from what my father-in-law is in his home and respects me in the same way.  I have never told her to call me Daddy; she did that on her own.  I am by far the hardest disciplinarian in her life and the ultimate enforcer.  It is my job, it is my joy.  She brings joy to an area of my heart that God reserved just for her.   I know that many biological families and their friends will not respect the “step” father and his family and that’s fine.  You just keep doing what you do because all that matters is that the child respects you as that authority in their life.  I chose this life, it wasn’t an accident, I knew what I was getting in to but I didn’t fully understand what I was getting.  

I take great pleasure in seeing her Mother and Father in her, from her ears to her facial expressions.  I see both of her grandmother’s in her eyes and body language.  I’m inspired by her relationship with my father in law it is a thing of beauty.  But beyond all this I can also see my influence in her life.  Like when she’s doing something she thinks she’s not supposed to and looks right at me to see if I have objections. How we lay on our backs and count imaginary stars on the ceiling.  The things my mother and father teach her as well as our siblings.  

Why can’t we sit back, shut the hell up and learn to cooperate with one another.  It won’t always be easy but if you’re so worried about being upset with another person you miss out on the beauty in a child’s development.  Stop listening to people who aren’t in your situation (FRIENDS).  Go to God for yourself and figure out how your blended family will work.  It may not work like mine and there will probably always be some uneasiness.  We have to give our children the best opportunity to grow that we can offer.  I was taught by a great man to pray for your children (grand,god) even before you know them.  Pray with them when they get here, they are not just Instagram and Facebook props.  Blended parents respect one another and the children.  Communicate with them and each other.  One father may never live with their child, another will never be blood but if you ask that child if they are loved by both they shouldn’t hesitate.  Lets Grow Together because We’re in this Together.

SHOW LOVE

Persuaded by the GOSPEL

Motivated by FAITH

Inspired by LOVE


Thanks love. Comments are welcomed.

Emotional dumping

This week I would like to introduce a friend of mine. My goal is to get a variety of different people to share their perspective.

I'm Shavonne (vonnelove) Lover of God, Music, and good jokes. I love given my view on things... Hope you like.

Ever been in an Emotional dumping situation?

Emotional dumping is allowing someone to consistently vent to you about a particular situation/circumstance/problem repeatedly with no plan or action to change.

Emotional dumping never starts out as that. It comes off as venting about a situation or problem. And that's fine as long as it doesn't continue...

For example, If a friend comes to me about a situation and I listen to her vent about how, lets say, her boyfriend doesn't treat her right... she vents, I give advice (if asked) , and we move forward with the day... Then a couple days later I hear the same thing happened, just a different day, and again the next week... And again the next week... After so much time I have to realize that this is her life style and her venting isn't in search for a solution, it's purely emotional dumping....

She's simply staying in that situation and when she's fed up she comes to vent (emotional dump) only to be able to clear her mental to endure more emotional turmoil.

I can't let that happen... That's way too much pressure.

Can my friends vent to me more than once or twice about the same situation? Of course! But there has to be some type of personal progress within the situation and within a reasonable time.

Do you have to take my advice? No, but have a plan or a solution for a situation that keeps happening to you that you clearly don't like.

Most people have Emotionally Dumped... Mostly because they don't know what to do, but eventually figure it out. ..
Then there are those who live in that place because fear paralyzes their decision making skills... It's just easier to complain then to make a desicion.

Not making a decision is making a decision (by the way...lol) but its more comfortable to stay there then actually rejecting fear and moving forward. But that's a convo for another day... Lol.

Im out. Choose love.

-VonneLove

I just want to add emotional dumping puts your friend in an awkward situation. You could have emotinally dumped and then there's a get together and you have to be all in the person who was dumped about face. It can get a bit awkward. I have gotten better with this, now it doesn't phase me. But there was a time that I couldn't be neutral and  I harbored ill feelings to the person talked about. I think for me it has just been about growth. Now you don't know by my actions, that I know. Make sense? Personally there are somethings that don't need to be shared with other people, even your closests friends. Like I said before if we sought out God first, there would be a whole lot more situations figured out. That's the biggest problem....seek God in all things. Emotional dump on God, cause he can lift that burden from you completely and he can give you peace. Nicely written Shavonne.

Do you have friends like this?

Be Cautious of Who You Seek Advice From.......

As I have gotten older my circle has gotten a whole lot smaller, I am more than ok with that.

When it comes to seeking relationships advice I am very cautious about who I seek advice from. Ladies you cannot, I repeat cannot always go to your girlfriends for advice. I find that many women let their friends dictate their relationships. What you don't realize is that some of them will try to sabotage your relationship. You can be happy, but if they're miserable and bitter, the advice they give you isn't always coming from a  your best interest place.

Sometimes your girlfriends are overcome with that green monster of jeaslousy. Other friends are getting out of relationships and they're not in a happy place anymore and they will try to fill your head  with all kinds of nonsense. That's why you have to be cautious of peopls toxcidity levels cause some of those toxcins can enter your mind and start to poison it. All it takes is a drop of doubt and that can set off a chain reaction.

Some of you will read this and say no not real. For some people this isn't their reality, but for others it is. My husband and I will be celebrating our 2nd Anniversary in October. I'm happy, some people will say well you've only been married so many years, wait until after so many years. Instead of being encouraging, and I know others believe it's a show, why I would want to waste my time putting on a show is beyond me. Instead of offering encouraging advice, people are just waiting for you to fail. Yes, even some some of your so called close friends/family. I had a couple of friends who were jealous and didn't vocalize it to my face, there were other friends who said things that they don't think I know, but the word travels. This is also a reason I do not seek advice from some of my peoples anymore.

We should be as selective as we are picking shoes, that's how we should go about seeking advice, BE SELECTIVE, VERY SELECTIVE. Seek God's counsel first, before any man. I think a natural instinct when something happens to us to go straight to our close friends and family. God will never steer you wrong, man will. God has no alterior motives, he just wants to best for us in this life, asking God for guidance is key. Sometimes that's all we need to do, but there are other times where God will direct you to the right person to talk to, when he answers you just make sure you OBEY. Cause he doesn't always send you to the person you might have thought he would send you to.

As far as seeking advice from people, try to seek advice to people who can and will give you an unbiased opinion. You can seek out other couples who are in a similiar position. Seek out couples who have been married longer than you have. Just be wise about who are going to for advice. Some bad advice can have you messing up a really great thing. Everyones relationships is different, so the same advice that worked for me and my husband, may not work for another couple. This isn't just for relationships advice, this is for all advice. Just remember everyone doesn't always have YOUR best interest at heart. God always has your best interest in mind, ALWAYS.

 We have to make sure he is INVOLVED in everything we do. (This is a reminder for me as well.) I promise you if you open your heart he will never lead you astray.

Has anyone ever experienced bad advice? What do you do when you need advice, who do you go to?
When you receive the advice, what is your next move?

Silent Killer

                                         (Larry and his beautiful wife Natalie.)


Well I have the pleasure of having a guest writer this week. I was on Facebook scrolling down when I saw a long post that my cousin had written. I read it and immediately knew he had to write the next blog. I was overjoyed to find out that he writes and that he's in school for the very thing that I'm going to pursue in the near future (Marriage and Family Counseling). Larry Lowe II is 35 and has been married to Natalie Lowe for 14 yaers. They have 3 handsome boys. These are his latest ramblings.....some wise words on unforgivenss.

Unforgivness is deadly to a marriage. I call it a silent killer because most of the time the spouse who is unforgiving; doesnt let their spouse know they are holding something against them. Unforgiveness is like a cancer of the heart. It starts out as a small hurt that grows with more hurt until it forms a lump. This lump looks like an arguementation that started out small but blows up to something major, because of something that happened in the past! If this lump of unforgiveness goes unchecked, it will grow until your heart is turned into stone. When a heart of flesh is turned into stone the only person who can fix it is God. What most of us dont realize, is that when we harden our hearts against our spouse; we are doing so against God. Realize that when we hold on to past hurts, we are not prepared to recieve and hold on to the blessings of a good marriage. The pain that unforgivness causes is not worth it! Unforgivness CAN and WILL destroy your marriage. Pray and ask God to turn you or your spouses heart of stone into flesh. Talk to your spouse about what he or she has done to hurt you, and then forgive them. You always hear "I can forgive but I cant forget". I believe this is a copout. That saying is used as an excuse to bring up the past hurts at a later time. It is true that you wont forget. What you can do is chose not to dwell on the past hurts and not to use them againat your spouse EVER again. Forgiving them is more for your benefit than theirs. It frees you to love unconditionally. Your marriage can not and will not survive continued unforgiveness. If you need help.....GO GET IT. Put your pride to the side and realize that we all need help sometimes. Think about this, whether you are a Christian or not the following principles of love can nurture, restore and maintain your marriage.

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps NO RECORD of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS protects, always trust, always hopes, always preserves. 1Corinthians 14:5.... Yall forgive me for goin on too long!
--Never Let Go


What do you think?

I Ditched the I for a We

Recently I was texting my girlfriend and asked her how the wedding planning was coming along? She told me that everything was moving fast and that she was a tad bit nervous. Naturally, I asked why? Her response was, "Just about being a wife and making sure I don't lose myself."

I discuss everything with my husband, so this is the combined answer that I was able to give her. To a certain extent you have to lose yourself cause it's not all about self anymore (even though the world will have you thinking otherwise) but the things that you give up/lose are nothing in comparison to what you gain.  Then Brandon and I discussed the topic a bit further. Brandon said, "That's the problem people are so into not losing themselves, it's all about me, me, me still. And when you get married it's no longer about you. I don't think I ever thought of it in that sense though, you realize things about you change but I believe that so much more goodness is added to you that you don't realize the parts that change. (Does that make sense?)

Matthew 19:4-6
"Haven't you read," he replied,"that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man serperate.

I had to face it as well, there are just things about you that don't work in a marriage, things that need to change or somethings that need to completely be gotten rid of. There is also this thing called compromise. Compromise is a hard word for some people to wrap their heads around. Compromise means you don't always get your way. I have ephipanies here and there and I am SUPER THANKFUL for them. The longer I am married the more I understand the phenomenon of the two will become one flesh. God is not just talking about sexually, but in your mind and spirit. It truly is a beautiful concept, being on one accord. How could you not want to ditch the I for a We?You are still you in marriage, but things about you change, to some that's scary. I think people worry too much about things that aren't really a big deal. My husband and I are equally wrapped up in each other. Incorporating God into everday life was a decision that we made together, on one accord.

I love music and I absolutely love to dance. I can't explain the feeling that it gives me, but it's wonderful. My husband on the other hand is not a dancer. I think he can dance, but he use to tell me he didn't understand how I can stay out on the dance floor song after song and just dance. I use to get so mad, he would dance for 30 seconds and be done. This evening, he danced with me song after song, took a break danced some more with me. He saw the joy on my face when he was dancing with me and how happy it made me. He even said dancing made him have a better time. Compromise, Brandon will dance with me for songs at a time, but he will sit out and watch me dance. I'm more than ok with that.

Brandon loves football, I use to enjoy it more before I had a kid, but Brandon really loves football.
Every year he has a couple of Fantasy teams and he really seems to enjoy himself. Compromise I told him that this year he could explain to me the rules of football and maybe I could even join a fantasy league so we can do it together. I'm not always going to watch football, but I can watch with him and not be a grouch.

I lose the part that use to be grouchy and enjoy one of my babes favorite pasttimes and Brandon doesn't have to watch me be upset because he doesn't want to dance. Win win, I think the both of us gain something that is so much more and that is the joy of making your spouse happy. When your spouse is happy, smiling and in a good mood doesn't that make you feel good too?

It makes for a happier household I think...when you have a happy househould things run a bit more smoothly....Compromise is not always easy, but it is a choice. While compromising might not be easy for you, the results of compromise can make life better. (Does that make sense?)

What do you think??

Letting Go of "The List"

Let’s face it ladies, we’ve all seen those movies that tell you to write down a list of everything you want in a man. I think some of the most recent movies that come to mind are Deliver Us From Eva  and  Something New (one of my personal favorites).

 

 

How can I put this nicely? I’ve seen too many women pass up great men because of their list. It’s wonderful to know what you want in man. It’s definitely more than ok to have standards; you’ve got to have some right? I’m not asking you to abandon your standards, stop being afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Make sure when you are making this humongous list that you have something to offer in return. I feel like when you have a list you limit yourself and you miss out on opportunities not only for your potential mate, but you just miss out on meeting great people.

Why limit yourself? By strictly sticking to this list you are putting yourself in a box; if this man doesn’t meet all the requirements, he’s kicked to the curb before he’s even given a real chance. Women don’t give God a chance to work in their lives, because we want the control. That’s what having the list is about it’s about controlling what you want. Let me just tell you, there are few things that we control in life, if we just gave it to God life would be so much sweeter. Does God not know the desires of your heart better than you? Does he not know what kind of man is good for you, what kind of man would compliment you?

My husband and I rarely play matchmaker, been there done that, it usually doesn’t work out. (I know it has for some, but not for me : () Sometimes we see what would be great matches in our friends but because the guy is too short, or he has kids, or even cause he’s not what she wants physically in a guy, we don’t even bother. There are all sorts of excuses we hear, we see the chemistry, but I believe stepping outside ones comfort box is what stops people. (Why do I feel like some women run home immediately after meeting a guy and dig their list off to see if they can check everything off, does that sound crazy?)

 If you just let go, God will bless you with someone that fulfills more than just that checklist. It will be more than you could have dreamed of. It’s about being with someone that when you get old and wrinkly and can’t get it on anymore you have someone that will hold your hand and talk to you. Don’t get caught up in the hype of he has to look like this, make this much money, he has to be this tall (cause I’m not dating someone shorter than I). Stop getting caught up in all of that, the questions that should be asked are is he a gentleman? Is he sensitive? Does he make me laugh? (You have no idea how important laughter is in a relationship) Is this man my friend? Does this man love God? Those are important things.

Brandon was my unexpected blessing. I didn’t have a physical list, but I had a mental one and my husband has exceeded anything that I could have ever imagined. I think the reason I didn’t view him as a mate before was because he was my best friend and I didn’t look at him like that. This was the man who knew the flattering and the not so flattering things about me. I didn’t realize that God had been in our relationship since day one. He knew I was going to be the hard headed one too, but he never gave up on me. Even though I made mistakes he still blessed me with my husband.

When you have important questions go to GOD, cause  your girlfriends who are "counseling" you can mess you all up (another blog, another day). Love, live, date, laugh and pray, but most of all trust that God has your back, have faith that God got you. I’m not talking about that genie in the bottle praying; I want this, this and this but that prayer that comes from your soul (deep down from your insides). Just have a conversation with God and see what he’ll share with you.

 

Any comments? Do you agree or disagree?

Not Damaged Goods

              I believe the day that I realized I wasn't tarnished or damaged goods was the day I stopped listening to what everyone else has to say. (On the subject of having a child out of wedlock). I wanted to be the girl who got married first and then had children. My choices, my decisions, didn't make that a possible option. I had to come to the conclusion that just cause I had a child didn't mean I wasn't a good person. It also didn't mean I didn't have anything to offer. I (like many other women) came with the cutest little person ever! We were a set, if a man couldn't love my child, well then he didn't love me or couldn't love my completely. I had some inner issues that were just in my head, made up to deceive myself and believe I wasn't worthy of a good mans love. I was also very ashamed of things that I had done.
             Kolby was big part of my transformation, from what I thought a woman was, to becoming that woman. Mind you these were all the realizations I came to while I was still in a relationship. Change is a constant, it's one of the only things in life that is consistent for a nice amount of people. And subconciously we're afraid of change. Change=unknown and for all you control freaks out there, that's a hard pill to swallow, not knowing. It's not a sufficient enough reason to stay complacent. My husband use to worry if he would be a good husband and father. He use to say it's different when you get pregnant you have nine months to prepare for a child, where as I was just thrusted into it, so of course you wonder if you're well prepared for parenthood. I use to chuckle because Brandon is a great person, with a huge heart and an awesome example of what a great husband/father looks like. (Shout out to my father-in-law. thank you for loving mom the way you do and for being an awesome father.) With all that within you, how could you not be? My husband fell in love with me and my daughter. I think the key to that is that by loving me completely he was able to love my daughter. At first loving her because she was my daughter, then eventually loving her as her own person (Does that make sense?)and his daughter.

             I dont know how other women do it, but I had to let Kolby and Brandon develop their own relationship, Brandon is the type of person that doesn't force himself on anyone, he does things his way and relationships begin to develop in their own time. I think what I worried about most is how Kolby would feel once we had other kids. We'll love them all the same, but differently. To parents that statement makes sense. The same unconditional love with be distributed evenly amoung our children. It may just be shown in different ways, because of personality differences.
          Women with children does not equal damaged goods. Sometimes the woman may come with a little more baggage, No matter what anyone says you and your child(ren) deserve the absolute best. You do have something to offer another human being, but no one can tell you that. You have to believe it to be real for youself, speak it into existence.  Trust God, walk and talk to him. he has a man for the job. When I say talk to God I mean talk to him, outloud in your head. Don't treat God like a genie in a lamp that grants wishes, cause he is so much more than that.

Any thoughts? Anyone else ever experience anything like this?

The Shack, Book Review, Kind of.

I have a co-worker that I discuss books with. I love it. We talk about what we're currently reading and what we have read, of course we make recommendations to each other as well. A few months back she told me about this book called The Shack, by William P. Young. I was in the middle of reading something else and told her it would be my next great read. (That's what I call all my books, there's something special about every book I read, why not call them all great?) I had no idea what I was in for, but it turned out to be an amazing book. I actually am almost finished reading the second time through. My husband even got it on audio and listened to it, so that we could talk about it. He ended up loving the book as well. If you haven't read it, I recommend it to everyone.

I'm sure I am going to give away some of the book, so I apologize in advance. I don't know where to begin. The overview a man takes his children on a camping trip, the daughter is kidnapped. After searching for her, all they end up finding is her red summer dress and a substantial amount of her blood in this Shack. Years later he receives a letter in the mail from God asking him to join him at the Shack. The man goes back and forth in his mind about whether he is actually going to go. He ends up going and meets God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in the flesh. It is beautifully written and it lets you know that the Holy Spirit works through us. You have to read it to understand exactly what I am talking about.

The book breaks down sterotypes that we have in our head about God and helps us to understand the relationship that he wants us to have with him. It truly is magnificent  how much love God has for all of us, he loves us imperfections and all. The wonderful thing about having a relationship with God, is that once we have truly experienced a real relationship with God, Grace accepts us as we are but is too powerful and too transformative to leave us as we are (Johnnie Moore). The book is very eye opening. It definitely taught me a lot and I'm trying to incorporate them into everyday life. I want God to be involved in every aspect of my life,working on that. I learned that we have to learn to forgive the things that we deem "unforgiveable", no matter how difficult. We are not of this world remember? We are to show love and walk in love. It's not always easy, but it makes life easier. Think about if everyone tried to do that how much better things would be.

I just think the book was brilliant. It was one of those books that you have to pay attention to. I loved it. It helped me open my heart and my mind more.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the book, " Evil is a word that we use to describe the absence of good, just as we use the word darkness to describe the absence of life. Both evil and darkness can only be understood in relation to Light and God; they do not have any actual existence, I am the Light and I am Good. I am Love and there is no darkness in me. Light and Good actually exist. So removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can only draw upon yourself, from me: Life
Sarayu, The Shack.


I would love to hear some comments from some of you that have read the book.
Did you like the book? What did you like? What didn't you like?

Pretty is as Pretty does.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really don't think I truly understood the truth in that statement until I was good and grown. We live in a society that OBESSES about their outwardly appearance.I meet students who are so caught up in the now. What's new? What's in right now? They have to have certain clothes and/or shoes. I know grown folks who are so caught up in skin color, hair; good hair/bad hair, clothes etc. Are we so caught up in appearances that we've forgotten to teach our kids to be beautiful people on the inside? Have we forgotten to teach children to be courteous, kind, nice, caring, giving and to have manners?


 I am a substitute teacher for a few different districts. A few weeks ago the Jr. high students were called into the library for a meeting. The principal had to talk to them about their attitudes and behavior. He said recently a majority of you have been talking about the newest shoes, trading shoes, and discussing the newest clothes. You have been disrupting your class and have put down some of your classmates for not having the newest shoes and clothes. If this continues your first offense is an after school, next is a Saturday detention and if you continue to be  a disruption you could get yourself a suspension. If you start off making your classmates feel bad, you'll skip straight to a Saturday. Honestly, I was just looking like, he seriously had to waste class time to lecture these students. Sitting there looking around, most of the students were rolling there eyes and pretending the pay attention.

I just never saw the point in making fun of someone that doesn't have the same material things that you have. Seriously?  You didn't buy that stuff, your parents did. But why do I want to own the SAME thing that you own? (Another blog, coming soon.) How do you get pleasure out of making others feel crappy about themselves? I was one of those kids who did'nt wear name brand anything. The only thing you caught us in that was name brand was probably the shoes on our feet. Nikes.  That was only sometimes. It's not about the brand name that is on the clothes, it's about the person behind the clothes. How we can we expect children to know this, if a large amount of adults don't know that to be true?

Adults are like that as well, but I seem to encounter the funky attitude adults. The adults who have bad days and try to take it out on everyone else around them. When teachers meet with some of there students parents, you then start to understand where the attitude come from.

When do we start molding little people who are just sweet, caring, nice just beautiful on the inside?
The same goes for adults when dating, stop being so obssessed about how your partner looks? Focus on how they make you feel? are they nice? Is he a gentleman/lady? Does he/she stimulate me mentally? Is he/she nice to other people? We have to stop OBSSESSING, once you let inner beauty shine, man it shines outward and that person is beautiful. We've all seen those beautiful people with stank ass attitudes, makes them look UBER ugly and seriously only shallow people are going to stay around you. The sad truth is that people will continue to deal with people because of how they look. They'll put up with certain behaviors or whatever purely based on your looks. Is that the kind of person you want to be?

When does it start to be about something more than just how people look? The people who march to their own drummer and tend not to follow what's "In", those are the caring, nice, sweet, giving people. Parents have to stop being so focused on getting their child the newest this, and that. We have to make sure we're doing a good job raising great people, so they can teach their children the same way. Teach our children to be thoughtful and that it's ok to be giving. It would make the world a better place. (<--- Corny, but so true.) But then again, we are in a society where outward beauty is everything, and stepping on whoever you have to, to get where you need to be; that is the accepted way of things right?

It's been raining for a while now, April showers bring may flowers. Behind our place is a big field, so with the rain comes TONS of worms; they wash out into our parking lot. A few days ago, my mini Captain Planet had me running late for work because she was picking up worms in the parking lot and putting them in grass, she said,"I have to save them." She did not want them to be rolled over by the cars. I just thought, we are doing such a great good job, we are raising such a caring child, one that takes time to rescue worms. Later when I got home we put our things inside the house and walked up and down the sidewalk rescuing worms. We even stood there and watch one slide from one side to the other. Now Kolby is beautiful on the inside. My dream for us when we start having more children is that they all are different skin colors, with different texture hair, because I don't want you paying attention to how they are physically, I want people to walk away and say hey, now that's a great person. Let's teach our children to show love and walk in love. Once you start living like that, life seems to get a tad bit easier.

What do you think? Are we so caught up in appearances that we've forgotten to raise beautiful children?  Are we so caught up in appearances that we end up with someone that's just merely physically beautiful? Have you tried to show love and walk in love to people you deem undeserving?

Bebe's Kids don't have nothing on kids today.

Today our society teaches our children that it is ok to have an attitude and be disrespectful. They are also taught that it is ok to say whatever comes to mind. It's ok to challenge teachers, elders and other authority figures in the community. All in the name of expressing themselves. Oh it's ok for them to talk and wear what they choose because they are merely "expressing" themselves.

        Where do you draw the line? What people don't understand is there is a time and a place for expressing yourself. What these children are not taught is that there are consequences for expressing yourself. A lot of these parents don't make anybody elses job easier either. Schools and other places are afraid to say it, but most of this behavior is learned and the lack of training comes from home. I do know that you can't blame everything on parents because when a child reaches a certain age it's time for them to be accountable for their actions. Why are you parents so scared to discipline your children? Why do you continue to say yes, when you know you should say no?
   

 Parents let their children do whatever when they're at home, so naturally when they are in school they believe the same behavior is acceptable at school and other places. I had a student, she decided not to follow directions, stood there staring hard , so I had to write her up. The last time she decided not to follow directions, I told her to call her mama and tell her about her behavior. She said,"I'm going to tell her what yous said too."  I told her to go ahead and tell her mama one because I'm not scared of her mama and two I said nothing out of order. That's how they respond. The killer part is she probably went home embellished the story and told her mom I said some things that I didn't. (It has happened many times before.) The students go home and make it seem like the teacher is picking on them. I am hard on my students because I care, I push them because they're capable of so much more. Instead of the parents questioning their child, they're so gung-ho about putting the teacher in their place for disciplining their child. The way I look at it is, if parents disciplined their children at home, I would not have to do it in the school.  Another point a co-worker of mine made was that she knew her son, and she knows how much of a pain he can be.


If a teacher EVER called home because of my behavior and class my mom didn't blame the teacher, my mom would also ask me what I did wrong. The parents know what their child is capable of, but they want to pretend that their child does no wrong. This helps absolutely no one and especially not your child, because every time they don't something wrong their going to run to their parents, knowing they will get back up. These kids watch/listen to anything and everything they want. Children/teens need boundaries. That's what parents are there for. Parents it's ok to be all up in your kids lifem you're their PARENTS.Be invovled, monitor what your children watch and listen to, what they wear. It's ok to ask questions, know where their going and who they're hanging out with. My mom had a block on my Family Video account, until I was 17, I could not rent rated R movies. I was also grounded in 8th grade because I had an Eminem cd in my possession (language.) My mom cared about me. She always use to say, "If I let you have and do everything now, what do you have to look forward to?"

It's true, I look at these kids and see how lost they are. If they get to go and do everything now, what do they have to look forward to? And that is when it gets dangerous. They'll start to experiement with other things. All I'm saying is it's ok to give you kids a little freedom, but it's ok to make sure you know their every move. Demand respect from your children, just make sure to keep the lines of communication open. Let them know why you're doing it and most importantly that you love them. It is ok to give your child tough love, there's such thing as tough Grace. I'd rather be the mean parent that's involved, then the cool parent who lets their child do whatever, so that they can have their childs approval. It has been said it takes a village to raise a child, but the village can't help if you as parents don't let them. Let the elderly man on the corner tell your son to pull his pants up if they're sagging down to his kneecaps and let the older woman tell a young lady it's not ladylike to cuss. People are scared to say something to these children because they're scared of what the child may do or the parents.

What do you think parents?

Celebrating 60 Years of Marriage.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary party. It was at a beautiful banquet hall in Indiana. All I kept repeating to myself was wow 60 years of marriage, how incredible.

In a world where people rarely stay together, it is enriching to see two people celebrating 60 years of marriage. It is a great example that it is possible if you work, grow, laugh and pray together. There is struggle and times of sadness, but there are also many joyous occasions. I am truly blessed/thankful to have such a fine example of marriage.

Recently my husband and I went to visit my grandparents and my grandma was just telling me all the things she can no longer do around the house (my grandma was the ULTIMATE house wife, house always clean, dinner on the table, kids taken care of. Can you say AWESOME?) because of the pains in her body. Everything she can't do, she said my grandfather now does those things.

That's definitely what marriage is about give and take. Two people sharing the load and when one can't do the other one gladly/willingly picks up what the other one can't do. Make sense?

It wasn't until I got married that I truly began to understand the dynamics of a marriage. The things that I said I would hypothetically leave for (c'mon, we've all had those conversations)before I got married, if you were to ask me now, I might give you a different answer. As the years roll on you become more and more invested in your marriage. It's hard to just walk away and not try to work through it. It's even harder to say what you would or wouldn't do until the situation actually occurs in your life. Then you have a huh moment, I know what I said but..........

I have also come to realize that people show their love in different ways, My husband and I bicker a lot, we go back and forth, usually it ends with laughs USUALLY. That's one of the many ways we show each other love, it's different for each couple.

A marriage of 60 years couldn't have lasted without Christ as the foundation. My mother said, " I was watching you guys (my grandparents, her parents) out in the yard together and watched just how you all were moving and I realized then just how well you two work together." You never realize how two people fit each other, until you sit back and watch them.

I've seen growth in my grandparents over the last couple of years,yes ladies and gents growth still occurs in your late 70's if you allow it to. As I watched my ogre of a grandfather get up there and say something, it was in that moment I realized just how much my grandparents loved each other.

Here's to growth, love and more years of happiness. It was a very happy occasion and I was grateful to be able to share in the love that day.

What do you think it takes to sustain a loving/happy marriage? Why do you think we have such a high divorce rate now?